Dear Will,
Recently you wrote about an underground space alien complex on the moon and about all sorts of space alien activity going on right here in Carmel Valley and on the Monterey Peninsula.
Well, I live in Carmel Valley and I’m also somewhat of a lunar enthusiast who has been studying the moon for about 50 years. And it just so happens, Will, that I think I know exactly where that space alien complex of yours is.
Let me explain:
About 40 years ago something very strange happened with the moon. To this very day I’m still scratching my head over it.
To give you a little background: initially I just rubbed my chin and crinkled my brow behind this thing, but later I found myself doing things like slapping my knee, folding my arms and cocking my head to one side, and even grabbing my jaw with one hand while squinting both my eyes.
One time I even let out a rather unmanly high humming sound with my voice while in mixed company. This happened completely without warning. Immediately following, I nervously took off my glasses and fastidiously steam cleaned them with a hanky.
So you see, Will, the mystery of this thing has really made quite an impact on me over the years.
What happened was this:
On one seemingly uneventful day in the 1960s, the International Astronomical Union, a.k.a. the IAU, very quietly and curiously issued an arbitrary name change to a certain moon crater which sits just barely visible from earth, right on the edge of the far side of the moon.
For no apparent rhyme or reason, the crater previously known as Caramuel, suddenly became the Einstein Crater.
Now at the time this took place I had my suspicions that something fishy was going on up there, and that this curious and unexplainable move by the IAU was somehow related to the mysterious activity I was sensing.
But I ended up writing off all those thoughts as just some standard issue paranoia I was experiencing due to all the 1960s combustible organic substance activity I was engaged in at the time utilizing the new aerated cylinder technology.
But then a few weeks ago I read a story in the Carmel Pine Cone about a recently re-activated gigantic moon communications satellite dish in Carmel Valley called the Jamesburg Earth Station.
And I saw your article about the underground space alien laboratories on the moon and about that evil space alien, Zshbelzagub’s plans to build a 4th dimension amusement park on the Monterey Peninsula.
And that’s when it all hit me.
Fourth dimension? Einstein? Caramuel Crater? Carmel Valley? It all makes sense now, Will! Forty years later it all falls into place. There is no question about it. There are space aliens among us and on the moon!
Their massive lunar technological complex is located directly beneath the Einstein Crater, I’m sure of it! And for some reason they’ve chosen Carmel Valley as the command center for all their operations!
Will, I need you to meet me down at West End in Sand City on Saturday night, June 16th!
Last night I overheard a cell phone conversation between Zshbelzagub and some other space alien. I couldn’t get everything they said because their vocal cords sound like they’re made out of Silly Putty, but I think something big is going down there that night.
It’s just a fluke that I overheard them talking. It was an accidental transmission of their call that came through on my iPod while I was down at Cafe Noir drinking a Pink Alien and listening to Pink Floyd’s “Us and Them” off “Dark Side of the Moon.”
We need to do something, Will! We can’t allow that megalomaniac Zshbelzagub to pollute Monterey’s 4th dimension with all his greedy psychic space development plans!!
Call me on my iPod as soon as you can!!
Signed,
Stop Space Alien Tourism? in Carmel Valley
Dear Stop Space Alien Tourism? in Carmel Valley,
Yes, the aliens have landed! This is without a doubt a true story, Carmel Valley. That is to say, this is truly a story!
Not only is Zshbelzagub’s massive psychic space technology laboratory complex located directly beneath the Einstein Crater, coordinates 16.3′ N., 88.7″ W., but Carmel Valley is the Houston of his local outer space activities.
And Sand City is the Burbank of his rapidly expanding 4th dimension entertainment empire!
Yeah, I’ve seen him lurking around up in the loft down there at West End. He’s claimed that space for his “Z World” corporate offices. But no one there has a clue because he only works while cloaked from human perception in his 4th dimension zuit suit.
Luckily for me, though, all those hours I was forced to wear kaleidoscope glasses as a kid gave me the unique ability to see into the 4th dimension.
If we don’t do something to stop him now, Carmel Valley, Zshbelzagub is going to go ahead and build his colossal fantasy amusement park and before you know it, there’ll be a zillion mommy and daddy space aliens and their 2.5 brats coming to invade us every single year!
And none of them will ever buy a single scoop of ice cream!!
Instead, they’ll drive us all mad because their greatest thrill will be riding any one of about a dozen psychic space roller coasters that run right through the middle of our brains!
Have you ever heard 20 or 30 space aliens screaming inside your head? It’s messed up, Carmel Valley!!
Keep your iPod handy, Carmel Valley. We need to stay in contact!
Will?I WILL GO FAR!!!…Fargo
