Kyle Farnsworth is a relief pitcher for the famed New York Yankees major league baseball team. That is, until he was traded to the Tigers in a late-season move to improve their chances of making the playoffs.
At this point, anything less than another World Series championship for the Yanks would be considered a failure. So they decided it was time to make a move. Sadly, Mr. Farnsworth took the news rather hard.
I happen to have a loose personal connection to this particular ballplayer. I went to high school with his older brother. And as luck would have it, he also attended my alma mater (I never graduated college) with my younger brother and cousins. They say he was a bit of a jerk back then. He was apparently very conceited about his athletic ability, especially after getting drafted into the Bigs.
So it was interesting to see how fate had turned the tables on him, serving up a great big piece of humble pie.
Tuning in to the baseball highlights on ESPN (a normal occurrence around my house even though the Braves are having a rough season), I saw this grown man crying on national television. The idea of leaving seems to have hit him pretty hard. I’m not quite sure why, though. Being raised in the south myself, I could understand crying if I got traded TO the Yankees. But not if I found out I was LEAVING New York.
News like that would be cause for a celebration. “Fire up the grill honey,” I’d say. “All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight. Let’s make sure there’s plenty of barbecue and Budweiser for everyone.”
For the life of me I just couldn’t figure out why a home-grown Southern boy would be so upset that he’d be moved to tears over leaving the Bronx. It just doesn’t make sense. They don’t have sweet tea anywhere. And have you ever tried to stir sugar into an ice-cold glass of un-sweet tea? You end up with a swirl of what looks like sand art circling the bottom of your glass. Stir some more, more swirling. Nothing dissolves. It just doesn’t work.
I also bet you can’t find a Waffle House up there to save your life. How anybody can survive without scattered, smothered, and covered hash browns is beyond me.
Or maybe Mr. Farnsworth just never got the memo about crying in baseball. Last time I checked it wasn’t a co-ed sport. He might be more comfortable playing softball instead.
On second thought, those young gals are pretty tough too. Quitting baseball altogether and taking up a hobby may be the best thing for this tortured soul. Perhaps he can find inner peace and happiness with a crochet needle in his hand. I hear it’s making a comeback.
Poor thing. I hope his buddies have the good sense to revoke his man card temporarily until he gets his head together.
Truth be told, Kyle is actually a very tough guy. He is always getting into fights on the diamond and, as a result, is the last guy I’d have ever thought would be crying on television. Punching someone, yes. Crying, no. But it is nice to see that he’s human after all.
And although I’m giving him some ribbing here, there’s no doubt in my mind he is a macho kind of dude. In all seriousness, he is just as entitled to an emotional moment as the rest of us. His just happened to be broadcast for the world to see.
All of this nonsense got me thinking. As men we are taught we aren’t supposed to cry. At least that’s what my father taught me. “You gotta be tough to make it in this world,” he’d say. And to some extent he was right. However, there are a few occasions I have found when it’s perfectly acceptable for a grown man to cry. To avoid any further confusion (and potential embarrassment), I have listed them below as a quick reference guide the next time you guys get the urge to tear up.
Death of a loved one—this can also include animals, but is limited to pets you have owned for more than a year. Also, rodents being held captive against their will (hamsters, gerbils, etc.) do not count.
Spiritual experiences—to be clear, a trip to Disney or the state fair is not considered spiritual. Eating the best barbecue sandwich you’ve ever had, however, will earn you the right to a sniffle or two.
Sustaining a broken bone—a much different cry than the others, any extreme pain can result in tears streaming down a man’s face. These are not emotionally driven, however, and a strict time limit is in place to preserve his dignity.
Birth of a child—a new baby coming into the world is an emotional experience. When this happens in your family there is little doubt a tear or two will come to your eye. This is perfectly acceptable and does nothing to diminish your manhood in the slightest. But this does not mean you can sit around watching the birthing channel all day with a box of Kleenex. In that case I would recommend you seek therapy immediately.
Getting kicked in the gonads—this one goes without saying. Receiving a swift shot to this region of the body will bring anyone to their knees. In fact, it’s actually how the expression, “That’s enough to make a grown man cry,” originated. Some poor guy got kicked in the pants and voilà, a new expression was born.
So you see, grown men do cry. Sometimes. It just isn’t in our nature to turn on the faucet at the drop of the hat. Well, not all of us anyway. I guess some guys are just more in touch with their feminine side than others. But that doesn’t make them bad people. It just makes them sissies. And that’s perfectly fine by me. Let’s just keep it out of baseball from now on, shall we?
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