I don’t watch Oprah, but someone sent me a video clip from one of her shows. Every once in a while we get hit by a lightning bolt and I guess I got lucky that day.

Her guest (and I forgot his name) was talking about relationships and suggested that one of the reasons why we single folks don’t have a partner is perhaps because our reasons for staying single outweigh our need for being coupled.

This seemed to strike a nerve, so I got out my pen and paper and started writing, hoping to disprove this theory. First, I started my list of benefits of being a single gal and was amazed at how many I actually had.

I do as I please and have all the freedom in the world. My time is my own (and so is my money). I don’t have to shave my legs that often. I don’t have to cook for anyone but me. I can go on vacation at the spur of the moment. I can choose the men I want to date. And there is a lack of boredom (sometimes).

I can get up in the middle of the night and eat peanut butter out of the jar or watch a “Law and Order” marathon. I can stay in bed till noon without worrying. I can make a mess and no one will criticize me. My house can be decorated any way that I want. If I want forty-five Buddha statues to remind me to be calm, there is no one looking over their glasses in disdain. (I did notice that I was starting to sound like a spoiled brat around this time, but I continued on with the experiment anyway.)

I can take all the room in the closet and I can put those funny curlers in my hair that makes me look like I’m getting radio reception from outer space. Or I can look like Pebbles and wear my flannel pajamas.

I don’t experience jealousy or the emotional roller coaster ride that sometimes accompanies a relationship. Sure, there aren’t the highs, but I avoid those gut-wrenching lows. So I have peace.

I’m up to sixteen reasons that I enjoy being single, so I’m starting to see the point to all of this, and I’m wondering if I can tip the scales in my favor with my reasons for wanting a relationship.

List number two. I started with the big one. Sex. I like to talk, so conversation is important. And it’s nice to have someone to depend on during tough times. There is an expansion of activity and also of family. There are good times to share and more laughter (my guy will have to have a sense of humor to put up with me). Vacations are more enjoyable with a partner and it’s nice to have someone with whom daily expenses are shared. (I did realize that I was also capable of enjoying money and vacations solo as mentioned above. Ah, the female enigma.)

It’s also great to have that safe haven of a best friend and lover. There is a feeling of belonging to something and a sense of communion, a sense of safety and a healthy interdependence.

I don’t need to use the heater that much when I have a man because I can put my cold feet on him. I can grocery shop with him, cook with him, wrestle with him, shower with him, dance with him, and grow old with him. (I can feel the scales tipping now.)

I take a deep breath as I think of the last few reasons. I can feel loved and accepted and always look forward to our time together.
That about does it. I think it’s time to shave my legs again.

Copyright 2008 Robyn Justo

Robyn Justo is a freelance writer who is living, breathing, and learning the new rules of dating over 40. Experienced, but by no means an expert, she shares the frustrations, triumphs, and general hysteria of single life on the Monterey Peninsula. “The Expiration Date” addresses the lighter side of dating later in life. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Robyn also occasionally hosts local social events for those brave-hearted single folks who actually have the courage to come out of the house.