A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

His dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it this way.

“You see, I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Read the rest of this article »

DATELINE—Monterey, CA
We at Foolish Times interviewed local gadfly Tom Burns regarding his project to research Big Foot in the Big Sur area. The interview was conducted as Mr. Burns fished in the koi pond at Carmel’s Devendorf City Park.

FT: Hello, again, Mr. Burns. We understand you are seeking grants and funding for the research of Big Foot in the Big Sur area.

TB: Yes, that’s true. It’s very exciting. I need about $500,000 for equipment, field office expenses, and staffing. Read the rest of this article »

Basil the “Beefeater” is Yeoman of the Guards at the Crown & Anchor Pub on Franklin.

The Yeoman of the Guards or Beefeater is now a ceremonial function at The Tower of London. When the Guards first originated in 1485 by Henry VII, its members had numerous duties as defenders of the King’s person and household, until 1743 (the last time a British Monarch appeared on the battlefield). They accompanied the King in battle.

Opinions vary as to why they were called “Beefeaters.” But the most likely explanation is quite literal: in the 17th century a “Beef-eater” was a derogatory term for a servant who was too well fed (by no means a certainty in those days). Read the rest of this article »

DATELINE—Monterey, CA
Editor’s note: We at Foolish Times were “fortunate” to have an interview with local mild-mannered gadfly Tom Burns. Previous interviews with Mr. Burns have been taxing to say the least. Once more, he did not let us down. This interview was held on the rocks at Lover’s Point in Pacific Grove. Mr. Burns was wearing a ground squirrel costume. Brace yourself.

FT: Mr. Burns, we understand you have come up with what you consider to be an end to the border problem. Read the rest of this article »

Dear Will,
Whenever I am in an automated bathroom (you know, with automatic flushers, toilet seat covers, faucets, soap dispensers, hand dryers, towel dispensers), I wave my hand over and over, jump up and down, whatever… but the automated devices never respond. It’s as if I’m not even there.

Also, it seems like whenever I’m out in public people completely ignore me. They step right in front of me in the grocery store, turn right in front of me when I’m driving, and cut me off mid-sentence when I’m talking. Read the rest of this article »