Fool-O-Scope

FOOL-O-SCOPE

July 6, 2011

By Claire Voyant ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): The rain in Spain (or so they say…) stays mainly on the plain. Since your birthday is just at the end of the rainy season, it would behoove you to stay mainly on the plain. (Or plane, if you’re going to travel soon. You definitely should not [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

April 5, 2011

FOOL-O-SCOPE by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr.19): Spring training starts now. This is your time to step up to the plate. Try not to strike out on your birthday. TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Years of indulging in that organic yogurt and milk concoction have left your mind a bit rigid. Consider taking the plunge [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

February 2, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Love is in the airies. TAURES (Apr. 20-May 20): Your Tauro card says you are pawing the ground to find a new love. But your Fool-o-Scope is snorting, “Yeah, good luck with that.” GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You will meet a fellow Gemini with the exact same [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

January 3, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Be very good this year. TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Be very, very good this year. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Be very, very, VERY good this year. CANCER (June 21-Jul. 22): Try not to be malignant this year, and for godsake, don’t metastasize!

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

December 3, 2010

ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Aries-un for your endless “ram”bling is that you are far too attached to the sound of your own voice. Listen to someone else for a change this month. Listen carefully. You may hear the sound of the ocean! TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Did you give your spare change to the homeless [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

October 1, 2010

FOOL-O-SCOPE by Kiri Kinsey deSchtarz ARIES: And conquer! This is your month for the taking! TAURUS: You knew what was coming: Absolutley no more bullying allowed—not even playful bullying. You practiced last month, so this month you must perform only acts of outright kindness. Try to do this every day until you no longer have [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

September 5, 2010

Aries: Try not to ram into anything or anybody—especially not a Dodgers fan. (However, if you cause her to spill her beer, it could be good karma for the Giants.) Taurus: Good job maintaining control of your temper last month, foolish Taurus. This month, step it up a notch: Do something not unkind for someone [...]

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Fool-o-scope July

July 1, 2010

July birthdays: You share your birthday month with Canada, the United States, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Henry David Thoreau. But when asked to reveal your age, you’re as secretive as Tom Cruise and his Scientology buddies. ARIES (3/21-4/19): To win the Tour de France is an incredible feat. But this month you will take on a [...]

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Fool-o-Scope

June 1, 2010

June birthdays: June 19th is Garfield’s birthday. The cat or the president, we’re not sure, but either one overshadows your paltry birthday party plans. ARIES (3/21-4/19): What do the NBA playoffs and you have in common? This month, you’ll both take long shots, hoping to score. And the percentages say you’ll miss. TAURUS (4/20-5/20): You [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

April 1, 2010

APRIL BIRTHDAYS: February sometimes has 29 days and sometimes 28 days. It also is pronounced with or without the first “r.” Since this month is so lax, celebrate your birthday whenever the hell you want! ARIES (3/21-4/19): The American Revolution started with Paul Revere’s historic ride early one April. Start your own revolution this month. [...]

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Fool-O-Scope March

March 1, 2010

March birthdays: As you celebrate your birthday this March, remember that your greatest fortune is the large number of friends you have. Don’t worry about the fact that most of them are prison pen-pals. Worry instead about when they get out. ARIES (3/21-4/19): Nature, time, and patience are the three best physicians. Lucky for you. [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE February

February 1, 2010

February birthdays: February sometimes has 29 days and sometimes 28 days. It also is pronounced with or without the first “r.” Since this month is so lax, celebrate your birthday whenever the hell you want! ARIES (3/21-4/19): Ever see the movie “Groundhog Day,” in which Bill Murray re-lives the same day over and over? Well, [...]

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Fool-O-Scope – by Clair Voyant

January 1, 2010

January birthdays: Wow, it must be heavy to have a birthday during the bringing in of a new year full of rebirth, resolutions for self-improvement, and new goals, hopes, and dreams. Of course, if your birthday is at the end of the month, forget what I just said. ARIES (3/21-4/19): An old Scotch tune, “Auld [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

December 13, 2009

December birthdays: You already know this month is full of Christmas festivities. But did you know it also contains National Bouillabaisse Day, which comes from the Provençal Occitan words “bolhir,” meaning “to boil fish,” and “abaissar,” meaning “on your birthday”? So instead of cake, pick up some conger eel, mullet, and scorpion fish. ARIES (3/21-4/19): [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

November 8, 2009

November birthdays: Remember, change is inevitable. Unless you use a credit card. ARIES (3/21-4/19): Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is. You know what will make him even bigger? You, standing there trying to calm your fears with ancient sayings instead of running like hell. TAURUS (4/20-5/20): Not only can water float a boat, [...]

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Fool – O – Scope

October 25, 2009

October birthdays: Your birthday bash gets out of control. Unfortunately, “The Great Pumpkin made me do it” is not a defense that will hold up in court. ARIES (3/21-4/19): Your annual tradition of the Haunted Maze comes to an end after a neighborhood kid gets lost in all the junk in your garage. TAURUS (4/20-5/20): [...]

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Fool-O-Scope: August

August 4, 2009

August birthdays: Crows everywhere are equally black. Pigeons everywhere are equally loud. Horoscopes everywhere are equally vague, except on the subject of crows and pigeons, cutting-edge topics indeed. ARIES (3/21-4/19): Dismantle the bridge shortly after crossing it. That way you can take the bridge with you for the next crossing, and enjoy the thought of [...]

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