“Fluffy isn’t moving, Owen.”

“Whadaya mean?”

“I think he’s dead.”

“Nah, he’s just sleeping soundly.”

“No, Owen, he’s dead, as in not among the living; not drawing any breath; ceasing to exist-dead.”

Owen rattled his paper, folded it and with mocked effort and a heavy grunt, lifted his thick body off the tattered easy chair that had become attached to his ass since he’d retired from the NYPD. Read the rest of this article »

Dear Will,
I have a problem with my cat. It seems she is sleeping about 23 hours a day. Do you think she might have chronic fatigue syndrome or a sleep disorder or something?

Should I enroll her in a sleep disorder study? Will they pay me for that?

Or do you think she is just bored with our relationship after 12 years? I can’t afford the vet prices around here and would value your input, Will Fargo. You seem to know so much about everything.

Signed,
Worried Cat Owner… in Monterey Read the rest of this article »

Let’s call her Muffy. The cat, not your girlfriend. Why Muffy? It just seems like a good name for an utterly repugnant creature. The cat, not your girlfriend.

She hisses at you. She swipes at you if you try to pet her. She hops up on the coffee table to block your view of that fourth-and-inches play. When you’re getting into it hot and heavy with your girlfriend, she climbs between you. You’re pretty sure she’s saving that special hair for your next pizza slice, and you’re pretty sure it comes from the least desirable of body areas. Read the rest of this article »