We’ve been hearing a lot in the news about a disease called swine flu. Laughter is always the best medicine for flu or any other illness. From the funny farm, these are the symptoms:

YOU MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU IF. . .

* You always pig out at food bars.

* You got a traffic ticket for being a road hog.

* You only go to work to bring home the bacon.

* You call your bathtub “the wallowing hole.”

* Looney Tunes offered you a movie contract.

* You are worried about whether pork is the real white meat.

* People think you’re snooty.

* You have a jar for bacon drippings on your dresser.

* You keep your valuables in a lard bucket.

* Your breath smells like bacon frying.

* You sizzle when you suntan at the beach.

* You’re married to a male chauvinist pig.

* You sleep like a pig in a blanket.

* The butcher asked to take your pulse.

* Your favorite movie is Babe.

* Your favorite book is Olivia the Pig.

* Barbeque restaurants make you nervous.

* Your mother’s name is Miss Piggy.

* You keep the baby in a pigpen.

* Your vehicle of choice is a Harley Hog.

* You like to ride piggy-back.

* You’re developing a sizable pot-belly.

* You believe in a high-fat diet.

* Your hair is braided into pig tails.

* Your favorite pastime is mud wrestling.

* Your favorite sports team is the Razorbacks.

* You refer to your kids as “the three little pigs.”

* Jimmy Dean wants to adopt you.

* You are exercising to get rid of your ham hocks.

* You speak perfect Pig Latin.

* Your fur coat has a curly tail.

* You snort when you laugh.

* You buy your groceries at Piggly-Wiggly.

* You wear a ring in your nose.

* You are living too high on the hog.

* Your kids are named Portia and Porky.

* Your kitchen looks like a pig sty.

* You actually went shopping for pig in a poke.

* You call your shoe rack the family tree.

* You eat mash for breakfast instead of cereal.

* You love mudpack facials.

* You have gravy stains on the front of your clothes.

* You refer to leftovers as pig slop.

* You keep your money in a piggy bank.

* Your dream is to live in hog heaven.

* Your house is mortgaged with Frosty Morn.

* You think of vacations as, “When pigs fly.”

* You’ve gone hog-wild on MySpace.

* Your favorite quotation is “That’s all folks!”