I Have a Bone to Pick …

December 6, 2011

By Rosie Sorenson – Who among us has not seen Sally Fields hawking on television the virtues of Boniva, the bone-enhancing drug? Still perky after all these years, when Sally flashes her “You-like-me-you-really-like-me smile,” you want to believe her.

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Bushed

December 6, 2011

by Tom Burns – My plans for that sunny fall Saturday were to plant some new azalea bushes along the back fence and then get up on the roof and patch the fireplace flashing at the roofline with some black goopy stuff. But first, the azaleas.

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Gliding in a What??

December 6, 2011

by Mary Tompsett – Said the shepherd boy to the little lamb…do I smell like you smell?? Lo! I bring good tidings to all shepherds and unclean accountants! At last, we can quit chowing down on TUMS now that county fairs are no longer in the news.

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Is Longer Better?

December 6, 2011

By Robyn Justo – One of my readers emailed me the other day. “Another break-up?” he queried, after reading my most recent column. I had to giggle, as I realized how it might look to someone on the outside.

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A Middle-Aged Fart Huffer

December 6, 2011

by Catherine Badin – This is the story of a little girl named Heather who suddenly realized she’d gotten all grown up and had become – as if overnight! – a Middle-Aged Fart Huffer.

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Fool-o-Scope

December 6, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz – ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Arise from the ashes of yesteryear, dear Aries, for you, like Alex Smith are no longer the goat of your game. May the Force be with you, all the way to the Super Bowl and beyond!

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Quirky Quotations

December 6, 2011

by Quarlen Qurossman – 1. “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”

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Tony’s Ticklers

December 6, 2011

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.

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Best of the Inbox

December 6, 2011

Seniors Are Smart – A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter. The girl at the cash register said,

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Blondes Really Are The Best

December 6, 2011

Blonde Mortician – A man who’d had just died was delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed.

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Junior Jokes

December 6, 2011

What is posthumous work? Something written by someone after they are dead! What is the most slippery country in the world?

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Foolish Shorts

December 6, 2011

Hmmmmm – One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

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Foolish Laughs

December 6, 2011

A Loving Grandad – A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3-year old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits

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Foolish Thoughts

December 6, 2011

How do you keep your husband from reading your e -mail? Rename the email folder “Instruction Manuals.”

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The Head Fool Speaks

November 7, 2011

Around 1:30 on Saturday, I was feeling a little hungry so I stopped at Red’s donuts in Seaside for a feel good snack (shhh! Don’t tell the Doctor). When I got inside, Jose and Maribel were sitting at a table devouring what looked like a smorgasbord of Mexican and deli foods. Jose pointed to the [...]

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Editor’s Note

November 7, 2011

I saw a flock of wild turkeys the other day. Made me think of that special day when, those of us who eat turkey, spend an entire 24 hours plucking and roasting and eating. OK, I don’t actually pluck, but I have pluck and that’s what counts. This issue is full of pluck – or [...]

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Yours, Mine, Ours

November 7, 2011

Last week I did something I had been putting off for years. I boxed up my bank statements from 1982, my ancient credit card bills and my old mortgage papers and took them for shredding to a company

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