Although he was a large young man, he wasn’t what you’d call an alpha male. He wasn’t even a beta male. He was an omega male, which in a pirate shop seems like a bad choice of places to be in case the alpha and his sidekick beta decide someone needs to walk the plank.
Fortunately for him, there was only the young woman at the counter, dressed like a pirate. And he was chatting her up, in his omega-male way, by telling her how lame he was at making sales calls. It was sweet, really, because she didn’t mind his ineptitude.
“The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I just suck at sales calls.”
The young woman nodded her head in agreement, encouraging his diatribe.
“I mean, I can do anything else required by this job, such as interact with the customers or computer work, even sweeping the floor, but talking to people over the phone who I don’t know, and asking them to subscribe—well, I just want to hurl my lunch, which I haven’t had today.”
“If you want a sandwich, I can give you one in a few minutes. Do you want one?” she asked as she typed busily at the computer on the counter.
“Nah, I better not.”
“You’ll feel better if you eat—trust me.”
“Not if I have to call people.”
“Look, it’s not that bad.”
“I know it seems stupid and unmanly, but I get physically ill just thinking about it.”
“Don’t think. Just do it, ya know, like the Nike ad.”
“Yeah, but if I didn’t think about it, I’d be all, ‘Duh, now what am I going to say to the person on the other end of the phone?’”
“You’ve got a script in front of you. Just read the script.”
The young man’s face and neck blotched a florid crimson, spreading slowly like a contagious rash. He ran a self-conscious hand through his lank, dark hair that hung in front of his face, pulling it away from his earnest, dark eyes.
“No one mentioned the script. It’s not on my desk,” he said as his complexion turned from red to a sallow green.
“A curse on them, those reeky, thatch-headed dogturds!” exclaimed the pirate girl. “Jared and his whore Leonard are well-known villainous, dim-witted, jug-eared pantaloon pullers!”
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“Jared and Leonard like to mess with the new hires. They know everyone hates subscription calling, so they hide the script and tell newbies that their jobs depend on convincing people in their own words to subscribe to the Quarterly.”
“Oh, I see. I’m a joke.”
“Everyone’s a joke to them. Don’t feel so bad—they had me convinced that I’d walk the plank if I went on a break. I mean, how stupid is that?”
“Yeah, but this always happens to me. I’m fodder for bullies. I get picked on all the time.”
“Look, have a sandwich. You’ll feel better,” she told him as she handed him a paper-wrapped object the size of a toy football.
“Thanks. I better get back to my desk.”
“No, stay and eat with me. I get lonely sitting up here.”
Like a true omega male, he did what she asked and sat on a short stool next to her. Slowly he opened his sandwich and took a tentative first bite.
The pirate girl eyed him, taking in his measure and liking what she saw. He wasn’t a world-beater, but he was obedient, and that was what she wanted. She was an alpha female disguised as a geek. She knew she could turn him into what she needed to do battle with scurvy, droning, pig-swilling dogfish the likes of Jared and Leonard.
“Listen, all you need to do is read the script. Don’t think about it—people will do one of two things: either they will say yes or they will say no. It’s that simple, and it is no reflection on your abilities to do the job.” She handed him a small parchment paper that was titled in an Old English font: “Avast ye bilgerats! And read ye thee subscription script.”
His dark, earnest, omega eyes looked up at her with gratitude as he continued to eat his sandwich.
The pirate alpha girl smiled. He’d do just fine. Alliances had been made. There were worlds to conquer, treasures to steal, ill-bred, bumblebrain heads to hang from the yardarm. Jared and Leonard would be visiting Davy Jones’s locker soon enough.
Arrrgh!
Copyright 2010 Jennifer E. Hewitt
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I like the use of alpha, beta and omega types. Never heard of an omega but the girl’s plans for him are a great twist.