I’ve got it!

As you read this, more mud is being slung in this Presidential race than at a demolition derby in rural Indiana. The earth recently excavated at our grade school’s new gymnasium pales compared to the dirt getting dug up by today’s political parties. More filth, more muck, and more grime is being slung than at a mud volleyball game at a high-school homecoming celebration.

Which presents the solution to the current White House competition: a mud volleyball game between Obama, Biden, McCain, and Palin. We could bill the event as the OB’s vs. the MP’s. The Docs vs. the Cops.

There are some problems, though.

At the pre-game news conference, Senator Obama would give one-, at most two-word answers to reporters’ questions since teleprompters don’t work when mixed with saturated Indiana clay. Senator Biden would talk for hours on how he personally, with bare hands, dug the soil and moistened the playing pits after parting the local river.

Senator McCain would show up, only after suspending his campaign and calling off debates in a political move to display concern for the “importance of a bipartisan approach to mud-sports.” Governor Palin reluctantly would attend, only after being promised a chance to hunt deer in northern Indiana, and never being asked to comment about that “Ahmadinejad fella’.”

In the mud-pits of public opinion, who would win?
The Democrats would make a strong initial surge based upon promises to give all fans in attendance free volleyballs, funded by taxing the volleyball manufacturer. They would stumble after the maker’s tax is passed on to the consumer, which increases the price. Nevertheless, they would push forward with a plan to impose “windfall taxes” as a response to the now-increased per-volleyball cost. Support would wane and they would devise an early, mud-volleyball exit strategy.
The Republicans would experience a slower start, waiting for “trickle-down benefits” of tax breaks to volleyball corporations, citing national dependence on a strong, volleyball-manufacturing commerce. The Manufacturer’s Association for Volleyball and Recreational Instruction Corporation (MAVRIC) special interest group would underwrite all GOP costs, coach the team, and provide the “McCain Maverics’” uniforms. Instead of looking for reasonable alternatives to their volleyball point shortage, they would simply adopt a jingle: “Dig, baby, dig.”

The Democrats would claim to be all-inclusive, but would leave their best female setter sitting on the sidelines. The Republicans would include a server from the original Olympics, and a superstar spiker who learned the game yesterday.

The Obama-Biden team slogan would be “Hope for the Change in the Hope that There Will Be Change in Our Hope for Change!” The McCain-Palin motto would read, “A Change for the Same Changes in Previous Hopeful Changes.” (Editor’s note: Tee-shirts imprinted with the slogans never sold, forcing a massive government bailout of the Mud Volleyball Tee-shirt manufacturing industry. Both sides supported the funding.)

Obama and Biden, McCain and Palin, all in a pool of mud. Now there’s something I would support with tax dollars!