Performance EnhancingIt’s true that stories of steroids
Enhanced the growth of our tabloids
But also, it’s clear
Grown pains in the rear
Baseball execs’ flared-up hemorrhoids
Our football, of course, is now clean
No steroids or “coke” in the spleen
Just Gatorade flasks
And oxygen masks
To keep the big brutes full of mean
Olympics big star Michael Phelps
Is causing loud barks and big yelps
His bong-water swim
Is viewed very dim
Though no one is claiming it helps
Perhaps for all sports to be fair
We should also look at long hair
‘Cause the Bible does say
Super-strength went away
When hair-cuts left Samson’s head bare
It’s odd on TV that we hear
In sport-event ads, very clear:
Enhance performance
Lift up your romance-
By keeping our little pill near!
And of course you should drink fine beer
(the one we are showing you here)
With pills and fine booze
You surely can’t lose-
Keep your game of life in high gear!
-Sir Henry de Tunahuna, February 2009
