This Month’s Senior Joke
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

Little Tony
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.”
Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

At the Brain Store
A man goes to the Brain Store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
“How much does it cost for engineer brain?”
“Three dollars an ounce.”
“How much does it cost for programmer brain?”
“Four dollars an ounce.”
“How much for lawyer brain?”
“A thousand dollars an ounce.”
“Why is lawyer brain so much more?”
“Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?”

This Month’s Blonde Joke
Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ‘’Ready! Aim!’’ Suddenly the brunette yells, ‘’EARTHQUAKE!!!’’ Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground; meanwhile the brunette escapes. Then the guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ‘’Ready! Aim!’’ Suddenly the redhead yells, ‘’TORNADO!!!’’ Everyone is startled and looks around for cover; meanwhile the redhead escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim!’’ and the blonde yells, ‘’FIRE!!!’’’

Married for the Night
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly… he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman, saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”
“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”
“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.
“Good,” she replied. “Get your own f*&%@* blanket!”
After a moment of silence, he farted.

Baptizing a Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
“Yes, I am,” replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t!”
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I have not found Jesus.”
By this time the preacher is at his wit’s end, so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in”?
The very latest jokes (note that, in some instances, “latest” means “deadest”).