Hi, friends. My name is Fannie Frugal, and I’m here to answer a few of your questions on how to trim the fat from your budget. Following are some examples of the people I have helped so far. Perhaps these tips might be of help to you too as you attempt to manage your household budget. Or not.
DEAR MISS FRUGAL: In an attempt to cut back on our spending, we fired our housekeeper and I am now doing the housework. However, I’m a busy career woman and I don’t have a lot of time to spend cleaning. Can you give me some tips that will save me time? —NO TIME TO CLEAN IN WASHINGTON
DEAR MISS NO TIME: Have I got some great tips for you. First of all, forget housecleaning. It is a waste of time, especially if you have kids. Instead, keep the cleaning supplies sitting beside your front door. Whenever a visitor comes, grab a dust rag and a can of furniture polish before you answer the door. Wave the dust rag around and your visitor will assume that you have been cleaning.
If the same person visits twice in the same week, answer the door with a bottle of window cleaner and a roll of paper towels in your hand. Say something witty like, “Ha-ha-ha, you caught me cleaning again.”
Of course your house will be a pig sty, but you will manage to be at work on time each day, and your visitors will never know the difference. Probably.
DEAR MISS FRUGAL: I’ve heard that one can make a lot of money raising and selling birds. So I’ve decided to go into the bird business as a way to make some extra money. I bought two bags of bird seed and sowed them in my garden two weeks ago. I’ve been watering them twice a day but still I see no sign of any bird sprouts. Do you think I got some bad seeds or am I overwatering them? —BRAINY BIRD IDEA
DEAR BIRD BRAIN: I’m guessing it will be a while before they start to grow. And no, I don’t think overwatering is the problem. Did you read the directions on the bird seed bag?
DEAR MISS FRUGAL: To save money, we have stopped taking our dogs to the groomer. While we have saved quite a bit of money by doing this, the dogs are beginning to smell up the house. Do you have any tips to help get rid of pet odors? —STINKY HOUSE IN FRESNO
DEAR STINKY: First of all, perhaps you might want to bathe the dogs yourself. If this isn’t an option, there are several great air fresheners on the market that will help eliminate pet odors. There are sprays, carpet powders, plug-ins, and scented candles. Personally I prefer scented candles. They come in many shapes and scents. My favorite scent is “Baked Apple Pie.” Twenty minutes after lighting one of these candles, your whole house will smell like you’ve just baked a pie with a dog in it.
DEAR MISS FRUGAL: My wife and I have decided to raise our own chickens this year, for the eggs as well as the meat. We bought one hundred baby chicks and plowed up our back yard. What we need to know is should we plant the baby chicks with their heads up or down? —PICKING CHICKENS IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR CHICKEN PICKER: Raising chickens is a very difficult task. In light of this I am sending someone to assist you and your wife with the planting. They will arrive at your house this afternoon wearing white coats and they will bring along jackets with wrap-around sleeves for both you and your wife.
Well, that’s it for today, folks. This is Fanny Frugal saying “Ta-Ta for now.” Remember, haste makes waste and a penny saved is worth its weight in copper.
