By Giosue’ Santarelli
I don’t know if it is that men are trained not to notice their looks like women, but there is a disturbing trend among the male population. Many older gentlemen, even some high-profile figures, are growing moustaches above their eyes!
What is it with the caterpillar eyebrow look? It seems to me to be a sign of age. It may be the Age of Aquarius, but this is more like the Age of the Hairius!
Donald Trump gets a lot of attention because of the hair on top of his head. That’s a good thing because without the spotlight on his hairpiece people would be commenting about the fuzzy slippers he has above his eyeballs!
Andy Rooney has so much hair on his brow that you could hide a group of 1967 summer-of-love hippies and their VW Microbus in there! Don’t these big TV stars have make-up people? C’mon guys! Be funny, and go eye-brow bald!
This wouldn’t be such a major issue except when I woke up the other morning, I noticed my eyebrow hair was sticking out of place! Those brows looked like they could have been of a style befitting Phyllis Diller on a bad day after Raul the hairdresser had gone on strike! What’s next, stray ear hair?
I never had to worry about things like that. My eyebrows use to take care of themselves. Most of the time I didn’t even notice that I had eyebrows! Perhaps Mr. Rooney doesn’t realize that the overgrown weeds above his eyelids are any different than they use to be either. It’s either that or he is afraid of mirrors. Either idea could be a safe bet. Have you seen that guy lately?
How can we have such a dual society? Women have to have tight bodies, silky hair, and skin as soft as a baby’s butt. Men’s skin on the other hand can look like the surface of the moon under a microscope and still some women find them sexy.
I’m looking forward to being a dirty old man. I should only live into my old age where the twenty-year-old girls with daddy complexes will be attracted to me. However, that is not today! So you like a little bit of flab with your men; the better to keep you warm. So you like a bit of grey on your man; the better to find in the dark of night. So you like a little bit of wild eyebrow hair on your man; the better to tickle your fancy with during our conversations, if you know what I mean. Who’s the group without any taste, men or women?
So, maybe as a male I don’t have to look as old as a Shar-Pei puppy even though I have just as many rolls of skin. There is Doctor Look Good that can take care of that as long as my wallet can. On the other hand, looks aren’t everything. Even after a few cocktails on a Friday night, who is gonna want to spend time slow dancing with someone who looks like their great-great-grandparents?
As for me, I have to seriously consider stretching, and tightening, and reversing the affects of gravity the old-fashioned way: with dumbbells. No, not working out with weights, but by spending time with Frick and Frack, my local cosmetic surgeons. In the meantime I am codified through my own action. You will notice the smile on my face because I’m the one without any eyebrows anymore, thanks to a steady hand and the Gillette Company.
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Giosue’ Santarelli is a prolific political columnist, humor columnist, and feature writer who has been scribbling for nearly 40 years. Visit his humor column website “The Devil’s Advocate” at www.devilsadvocate111.blogspot.com.
