Adventures With Rex

Christmas was over, the empty bottles from the New Year’s Eve party lay strewn about the living room, and the Christmas tree stood quietly dehydrating in the living room corner. All that could be cleaned up later, perhaps by July or August, but I had bigger fish to fry: I needed a New Year’s Resolution.
“Rex, we need a commitment to change something in our lives . . . something noble, something far-reaching, something easy. Wanna’ give up Costco pizza?” Rex doesn’t have a firm grasp on the English language, but he pieced the words together and diluted the meaning to its lowest common denominator: no pizza. A look of horror registered on his face.
“Okay, okay. You’re right. Let’s not bite off more that we can chew; no pun intended.” The look of horror receded from his face and the look of a concerned small black Dachshund returned.
“Exercise! We can start a regimented exercise program! What do you think?” The communication was too complex for him to crack. He needed a Rosetta Stone of human to dog. I had to break it down by showing him. I laid him down on his back and forced him with one hand on his stomach and one underneath him to do a sit-up. Sit-ups did not appeal to Rex. As a matter of fact, he growled at me and bared his teeth. I didn’t need a Rosetta Stone of dog to human to figure that one out. Rex wanted no part of a regimented exercise program.
“Okay, then, let’s see. Hmmmmmm. How about yoga? Want me to show you how to do the Triloka position? A girl showed it to me in the bathroom of some dingy beer joint one night. Dakota was her name, as I recall. Her equilibrium was off a little that night from the seventeen beers she had consumed. She lost her balance and hit her head on the urinal. Chipped a tooth and broke a heel in the fall. Never even got her phone number. And then, you won’t believe this Rex, and then she . . .”
Rex walked away from me. Perhaps the Dakota story was too much for him to handle. Perhaps he was bored. Perhaps he had better things to do.
“Rex. Come back here. We need a resolution! How about if we resolve to find a cure for hiccups? We resolve to really, really try to appreciate Britney Spears? NAFTA? Reruns of ‘Dallas’?”
Rex was not tempted by the choices. He continued to saunter out into the kitchen. Perhaps he was unburdened by the challenge to make a New Year’s resolution. Perhaps Christmas and New Year’s were just regular days for him; nothing special, nothing worse than any other day. Perhaps the simplicity of his life left him unfettered by the concepts of “holiday” or “religious season.” Perhaps his lifescape was so seamless he needed no mental constructs to create a life WITH meaning because his life was complete in and of itself.
There he sat in the kitchen. No problems. No concerns. A vapid stare at his empty food bowl offered, maybe, a point of focus to interact with this convoluted world. Here is a little dog that is so uncomplicated and so socially free, he walks up to strange girl dogs on the sidewalk and sniffs their naughty parts. Now that’s living the good life.
I stared at his empty food bowl with him for a few moments. I tried to imagine walking up to a good-looking woman, a total stranger, on the sidewalk and . . .
“REX!!! I’ve just made MY resolution!!!”