June birthdays:

A fierce dog ruins a liquor store business. Do you know how many liquor stores have gone out of business because of fierce dogs? Exactly. Do not include the fierce dog in your business plan. Your investors will have every reason to be wary.

ARIES (3/21-4/19): After three days without reading, talk becomes flavorless. Try adding a bunch of MSG.

TAURUS (4/20-5/20): An ant may well destroy a whole dam. Especially a big dam ant.

GEMINI (5/21-6/21): Behind an able man there are always other able men. But ask yourself: Exactly why are all of these able men standing behind me?

CANCER (6/22-7/22): Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one. In this economy, however, even the pebble may be worth bartering with.

LEO (7/23-8/22): Steer one’s boat where the winds lead. But do not let One know that you have stolen his boat.

VIRGO (8/23-9/22): You have no idea how much rice and fuel cost without being the head of a household. And if you are the head of a household, ask yourself: Why am I so fixated on rice and fuel?

LIBRA (9/23-10/22): There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same. So, no use climbing the mountain. Just rent a DVD or look at some pictures on the Internet.

SCORPIO (10/23-11/21): Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come. Thus it has always been with the party crashers.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21): A fire set to a city gate kills the fish in the moat down below. Keep that in mind before you set fire to your next city. Think of the poor fish down in the moat. Maybe you could try getting them out of the moat, before you set fire to the city gate.

CAPRICORN (12/22-1/19): A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. Much harder to download to your Kindle, but much easier to burn in your fireplace.

AQUARIUS (1/20-2/18): Your smile will tell you what makes you feel good. Be sure to keep a mirror handy.

PISCES (2/19-3/20): In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare. Now you know why you so seldom have anything wise to say. You are young, beautiful, and an idiot.