August birthdays:
In Europe, August is a holiday month. No one works and the whole continent pretty much shuts down for vacation. Now, if only America would get with the program and appropriately honor your birthday month.

ARIES (3/21 - 4/19)
National Aviation Week honors early aviation pioneers like famous Aries Orville Wright and Neil Armstrong. This month you’ll rely on your fearlessness to also boldly go where no human has gone before: in the port-o-let at the fairgrounds.

TAURUS (4/20 - 5/20)
Just Because Day is this month, so do something totally unexpected, impulsive, and out-of-character for no reason whatsoever, like throwing a big birthday bash for Mr. Snuffleupagus on August 25th. Your friends will be totally taken by surprise because everyone knows darn well his birthday is on the 19th.

GEMINI (5/21- 6/21)
Your love of the written word is to be celebrated this month. However, Book Lover’s Day does not automatically mean you are excused from paying your $150.00 late fee to the library.

CANCER (6/22 - 7/22)
Because you are deeply sensitive and emotional, you might want to hold off on switching from briefs to thongs until AFTER National Underwear Day or you’ll give “unmentionables” a whole new meaning.

LEO (7/23 - 8/22)
By this time of year, you have zucchini, which grows like a weed, coming out of your ears. So, find a good recipe for zucchini bread, start writing your book “1001 Zucchini Crafts,” or simply celebrate Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day.

VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22)
Your analytical and precise nature takes a turn for the worse this month. But it’s not entirely your fault. After all, no one told you that National Homeless Animals Day was created to STOP animals from being abandoned. But don’t worry, Fluffy couldn’t have wandered too far.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)
This month, it’s time to let go of your tendency toward perfection and create some really lame verse on Bad Poetry Day…maybe something along the lines of “Red is the rose, green is the lime, I get my yuks from the Foolish Times.”

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)
You can benefit from National Simplify Your Life Week this month. Eliminate activities that don’t reflect your true values so you have time to focus on what’s really important, like shakin’ your groove thing during the National Polka Festival to the catchy tune “Who Stole the Keeshka?”

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)
Workaholics work harder but not necessarily smarter. You, on the other hand, realize the value of working hard on Work Like a Dog Day, but you also appreciate the value of lounging like a cat on Lazy Day (and every day in between).

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)
This month show people how exciting you can be: waft in the air of a gentle summer breeze on Ride the Wind Day by hang gliding, bungee jumping, sky diving, or by eating lots and lots of beans.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18)
Presidential Joke Day was created in August of 1984 when Reagan unknowingly joked into a live mic, “I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.” Make sure you’re not “live” before telling your popular “My boss is so cheap…” office joke—or the firing begins in five minutes.

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)
August 7th is National Lighthouse Day. Just as the light from lighthouses has kept sailors from crashing along rocky shores, changing your lightbulbs more regularly will keep your family members from crashing down the stairs.