October birthdays: Your birthday bash gets out of control. Unfortunately, “The Great Pumpkin made me do it” is not a defense that will hold up in court.
ARIES (3/21-4/19): Your annual tradition of the Haunted Maze comes to an end after a neighborhood kid gets lost in all the junk in your garage.
TAURUS (4/20-5/20): Perhaps spending $350 on your Halloween costume was a mistake, especially since it isn’t flame retardant and you’ve been invited to a bonfire.
GEMINI (5/21-6/21): While it’s certainly good to take an interest in many different things, you won’t win first prize at a costume party by dressing up as Frankenstein and Abe Lincoln’s love child.
CANCER (6/22-7/22): Hold off on legally changing your name to “Count Dracula” after drinking spiked punch, even if your great-grandfather did emigrate from Transylvania.
LEO (7/23-8/22): While you like to be the center of attention, there’s good attention and bad attention, and I think you know which kind you’ll get by “casting spells” on your nosy neighbor.
VIRGO (8/23-9/22): The children might not appreciate your need to create order out of chaos by standing on the corner directing trick-or-treat foot traffic.
LIBRA (9/23-10/22): Your attempts to convince trick-or-treaters that “we should all just get along” will fail when you have one candy bar and are faced with ten kids on your doorstep.
SCORPIO (10/23-11/21): Your quest for truth and honesty should not lead you to tell five-year-old trick-or-treaters that their costumes are merely a feeble attempt to hide from their true selves.
SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21): You will not derive any great meaning from the experience of eating a whole bag of leftover Three Musketeers bars.
CAPRICORN (12/22-1/19): Although you may view being a ghost at Halloween as meaningless drudgery within a conformist setting, sometimes it’s still the cheapest, fastest costume.
AQUARIUS (1/20-2/18): Don’t plan on a long-term relationship with your date for the costume party—that wart on her nose is real.
PISCES (2/19-3/20): No, dear Pisces, “Bah, humbug” does not apply to Halloween; that’s Christmas.
