August Birthdays:
People often tell you there is no match to your inner light. But there are lots of matches required for your birthday candle light. Which is why Smokey the Bear has temporarily banned birthday candles in the state of California.ARIES (3/21-4/19):
There is no challenge you can’t confront. Like building your own electric car on Petroleum Day-even though you live in a second-story apartment with no outdoor plugs. Did I also mention you’re impulsive?

TAURUS (4/20-5/20):
Although we all desire emotional security, slow your quest for a happy partnership during this Romance Awareness Month by reminding yourself of Paul McCartney’s (or Madonna’s upcoming) divorce settlement or you’ll end up shacking up with the founder of National Failures Day.

GEMINI (5/21-6/21):
You’d better get used to people talking about your unique behavior during the Twins Day Festival. What do you expect when you’re the first Siamese twin Gemini to campaign for the presidency?

CANCER (6/22-7/22):
This Sea Serpent Day I propose to update your astrological symbol from a crab to a sea serpent. Why? Look, you currently only have “cancer” and “crab” going for you-wouldn’t you rather be linked with longevity (how old is Nessie, anyhow?) and smiley cartoon renditions?

LEO (7/23-8/22):
Find your inner lion cub this Wiggle Your Toes Day. Cry until someone lets you outside, find your sun spot, and stretch and wiggle your toes in the warm sand. But, for gosh sakes, please don’t clean them afterward with your tongue.

VIRGO (8/23-9/22):
If your kindness has caused you to be victimized in relationships, it’s time to take a stand this Blame Someone Else Day. But don’t get carried away or you and the pooch will both be spending National Dog Day in the dog house.

LIBRA (9/23-10/22):
It’s National Golf Month! It’s time for you to say no to extra work, tune out the demands of others, tap into your inner golf guru, and “be the ball”-but only after visiting an optometrist, because it’s also National Eye Exam month, orange balls are for amateurs, and that hole is really, really far.

SCORPIO (10/23-11/21):
Like Mount Vesuvius on Vesuvius Day in August of 79 A.D., your pent-up anger will soon erupt, destroying friendships like the Roman cities of Pompeii, Herculaneum, and Stabiae, although, truth be told, they all probably asked for it.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21):
Frankenstein Day honors Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly, who authored the book “Frankenstein.” Like Frankenstein, this month you feel misunderstood and unappreciated when all you really want is what everyone wants: freedom, adventure, and fun-well, that and to “enter quietly into the realm of genius.”

CAPRICORN (12/22-1/19):
If you want to be admired, being generous and donating a car to Goodwill this National Thriftshop Day is one unique method. Of course, that only works if it’s YOUR car you “donate,” not your poor unaware grandmother’s ‘85 Nissan Sentra.

AQUARIUS (1/20-2/18):
This month show off your intelligence, trailblazing and philanthropic nature, and eccentricity while enhancing your popularity by distributing copies of the Foolish Times (in honor of its fifth birthday) for National Smile Week.

PISCES (2/19-3/20):
This month reach out and connect with others during Be Kind to Humankind Week-although this might prove challenging since you work from home, pump your own gas, bag your own groceries, buy stamps online, and make your own copies at Kinkos.