Cemetery Encounter
One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they heard a terrifying noise, TAP-TAP-TAP, coming from the shadows.
Trembling with fear, they looked toward the sound and spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What the heck are you doing working out here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
Pregnant
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said the teacher.
The small boy wrote, “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Do you know what ‘pregnant’ means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”
The Cabbie and the Nun
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her in the rearview mirror.
Finally she asks why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’ve been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always wanted to be kissed by a nun.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun says. “Pull off to the side of the road, maybe we’ll see what we can do.”
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied. I must confess, I’m married and I’m Protestant.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
This Month’s Lawyer Joke
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life.
The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”
The boss screamed, “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers. We had $100 when we broke in!”
