The Question
As a pre-med student, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this stuff?”

“To save lives,” the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.

“It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.

The Widow
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?”

“Ninety-eight,” she replied. “Two years older than me.”

“So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.

She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

Shopping
Husband and wife are shopping at the supermarket when the man picks up a box of Miller Lite beer and sticks it into the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 12 cans,” he says.

“Put them back. We can’t afford it,” says the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the man.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” she says.

The man replies, “So does 12 cans of Miller Lite, and it’s half the price.”

Father Murphy
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”

The man said, “I do, Father.”

The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”

Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”

“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.

“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”

The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

The Golfer
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.” The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”

Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay.” And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”

“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the clubhouse, the stranger walks alongside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies. “I’m Father O’Malley.”