Ghost Story
An out-of-state traveler was hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride very badly, the guy jumped into the car and closed the door. Only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of the engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward. The guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life. He was certain the ghost car would go off the road and into the river, and he would surely drown! But just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver’s window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again.

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the hitchhiker, frightened nearly to death, had all he could take, and jumped out of the car and ran through the storm to the nearby town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a lighted tavern and with voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, and then, shaken, told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence came over those listening and everybody got goose bumps. They realized the guy was telling the truth. And the sounds of the storm continued outside.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, “Look Billy Bob, there’s that idiot that rode in our car while we was pushin’ it in the rain.”

This Month’s Irish Joke
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

“Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!”

“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are ye callin’ from?”

This Month’s Lawyer Joke
A guy phones a law office and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but he died last week.”

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “I told you yesterday, he died last week.”

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, “I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

The guy says, “Because I just love hearing you say that.”

The Letters
A young man in college needed to ask his father for money, but was afraid to ask him directly. So he wrote the following letter:

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on

The father replied by sending his own letter:
Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

This Month’s Blonde Joke
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were visiting the castles of Europe. In one town, a strange man came up to them and said, “In that castle is a magic mirror. If you look into the mirror and tell the truth, you will be granted any wish you please. But if you lie, you will vanish into the mirror forever.”

Intrigued, the three women went into the castle and found the magic mirror.

The redhead went first, saying, “I think I’m the prettiest of all three of us.” For her honesty, she was rewarded with a pot of silver.

Next came the brunette. She said, “I think I’m the smartest of all three of us.” She was rewarded with a new car.

Then it was the blonde’s turn to try her luck. She walked up to the mirror and said, “I think-”

And she vanished into the mirror forever.

Passover Lunch
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park.

He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight-day holiday, he was eating Matzoh, a flat, crunchy, unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this crap?”

The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“He was your doctor.”

The Two Mischievous Boys
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, just sat there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone: “Where is God?”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We’re in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!”