The Gas Station Promotion
A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex With Fill-Up.”
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.”
A week later, the same redneck, along with his twin brother, Ed, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”
As they were driving away, the redneck said Ed, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”
Ed replied, “No, it ain’t, Billy Ray. My wife won twice last week.”

The Passengers
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. “You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.”The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy. “How about nuclear power?”
“OK,” says the blonde. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“So tell me,” says the blonde. “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don?t know s#!t?”
too hot
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack said as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.
Bubba and Bobby Sue
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
“Bubba, where’d you get that truck?”
“Bobby Sue gave it to me,?”Bubba replied.
“Gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”
“Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes, and said, “Bubba, take whatever you want.”
“So I took the truck!”

Seeing-Eye Dog
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.”
“Oh, man,” the bartender says, “I’m sorry. Here, the first one’s on me.?”The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him, and says, “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.”
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!”
The second man replies, “This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bartender says, “No, I don?t think so. They don’t have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.”
The man pauses for a half-second and replies, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

The Magic Lantern
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. Poof! He’s gone.
The second guy wishes the same. He vanishes, too.
The third guy says, “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were here.”