When the gardener wakes to the dawn
He thinks not of the night that is gone
But of weeding today
In the usual way
And the joy of mowing a lawn
-Sir Henry de Tunahuna
Read the rest of this article »

Fat Mary ( to Larry), “Why do we tarry?
“Our love is so firm, we must marry!”
Said Larry (to Mary)
“That’s really scary
for you, ‘cross the threshold, to carry!”
-Sir Henry de TunahunaAnd three by David Rasch: Read the rest of this article »

A young man thought himself quite amusing
But his opinion was of his own choosing.
He was really a prude
Who never talked lewd,
And eventually took to the boozing.
-Birdman Read the rest of this article »

There once was a pitcher named Zito
The giants thought he was neato
They paid out big bucks
For an arm that just sucks
And now their season’s finito Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by people with really strange names (evidently their parents didn’t love them very much).

There once was a lonely gyrene
Who whiffed some fatal phosgene.
He’d run out of luck
He’d forgotten to duck,
It is what happens when people get mean.
—Birdman

There is a fine man name of Gene
Who is a virtual limerick machine.
He praises musicians
And pillories politicians,
With his rhymes surprising clean.
—Birdman

Lest you think that man is a clown
Please note he has a big frown
Tho’ his nose is Big Red
His smile is dead
And his mouth is, alas, curling down
—Sir Henry de Tunahuna

While penning a new form of schtick
The bard became pale and got sick
The upchuck he threw
From yesterday’s stew
Spilled into this little limerick
—Sir Henry de Tunahuna

Brought to you by people with really strange names (evidently their parents didn’t love them very much).

There was a musician named Marotta
If you never heard him play you oughta
Plays music with ease
On the box that you squeeze
And he learned it all from his faddah
— Gene, Gene, the Limerick Machine Read the rest of this article »

‘Tis now one of those election years,
The ones that drive us to tears.
The founders would say
Must they do it this way
With the shouting, the lies, and the smears?
— Gene, Gene, the Limerick Machine Read the rest of this article »

Let us pity the plight of fool Thomas
who forgot to put on pajamas.
He sleepwalked at night,
Gave the neighbors a fright,
And now is in jail in Clackamas. Read the rest of this article »

I went to the dentist at one.
It certainly wasn’t much fun.
He reached in my mouth
and went too far south
and now my appendix is gone.
—MG

No zebras did board Noah’s ark;
Only horses, two white, and two dark.
But for forty black nights
There were no bedroom lights
Which caused zebras galore to disbark!
—Anonymous (he’s baaa-aaack)

A dashing and speedy neutrino
passed thru a cellar of vino
so he/she turned around
and she/he settled down
in a Julien ‘99 Pinot.
—Sir Henry de Tunahuna

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who re only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves.

“I’ve something to tell you, Mike.”
It’s something you probably won’t like.
I’ve stayed up at night
Trying my best to write
But my brain seems to be on strike.
— GP Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who
are only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves.

Land Of The Pheromones
Planes flying till dawn’s early light
Spraying pheromones all through the night Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who are only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves.

A pet store employee named Blair
Was missing a small patch of hair.
A tarantula crawled
To the spot that was bald
And nobody noticed it there!
—Tillmanator

Get off your butts and send in your limericks!

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened, it must be allowed.
Soon a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter:
She sat up in bed and meowed.
—Somebody, I Forget His Name Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who
are only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves.

As a beauty, I’m not a great star.
There are others more handsome by far.
But my face, I don’t mind it,
Because I’m behind it.
‘Tis the folks in the front that I jar.
—Anthony Euwer Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who are only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves.

My girlfriend had put on my sweater,
The one with my big high school letter,
And it then seemed to me,
And I’m sure you’ll agree,
On her it looked quite a bit better.
- Unknown, a huge FoolishTimes fan Read the rest of this article »