Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice

Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – May 09

May 1, 2009

(And Special Answers to Questionable Questions) By Will…I WILL GO FAR!!!…Fargo Dear Will, How come you never see pepperoni on anything but pizza? Doesn’t that seem strange to you? I don’t know why, Will, but I worry about stuff like this all the time. My intuition tells me something really weird is going on here. [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice

January 7, 2009

Dear Will, I’m thinking of making a New Year’s resolution this year that will really make a difference in my life. But I’m coming up short with ideas. You see, I can’t really think of anything about me that needs changing. I pretty much have my act together. But I know I’m probably not perfect [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – Public Disturbance

October 9, 2008

Dear Will Fargo, I am a person who loves a good beat. When I hear a good beat, my foot just gets to tapping and I can’t seem to do anything about it. And then when one foot gets to tapping, my other foot starts feeling left out and so it starts tapping too. And [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Curious Shopper

September 1, 2008

Dear Will, How come every time I go grocery shopping I get a cart with one bad wheel? It never fails. And then when I try and push the cart it always seems to want to go a different way than I do. Like yesterday, when I wanted to go down the cookie aisle, it [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Confused Loyalties

August 9, 2008

Dear Will, My friends think I’m crazy because I feed my dog steak. But I don’t see anything wrong with it. After all, he’s the best buddy I’ve ever had! What do they think, he’s some sort of animal or something? If they had their way, I’d probably be feeding him dog food every day! [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Googlable

July 2, 2008

Dear Will, The other day, I tried googling myself but my browser couldn’t come up with crap. It seems like everyone I know is googlable except me. And so they’re all cool and I’m a nobody.I don’t know if I can take one more day of being a non-googlable putz. I think I may just [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Taco Bell Flautist

June 6, 2008

Dear Mr. Fargo, I am working really hard so that someday I will have time to be creative and play my flute as much as I want. That is my dream. The problem is I decided to take a job at Taco Bell to make ends meet. And now I haven’t been able to get [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Cat Relationship

May 1, 2008

Dear Will, I have a problem with my cat. It seems she is sleeping about 23 hours a day. Do you think she might have chronic fatigue syndrome or a sleep disorder or something? Should I enroll her in a sleep disorder study? Will they pay me for that? Or do you think she is [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Mother Nature

April 4, 2008

Dear Will, Now that spring is here, I thought I’d be happy. But I’m not. In fact, spring is having an opposite effect on me. The singing, chirping, and warbling birds are grating on my nerves, Will! And I find the fresh and clean flower-scented air utterly revolting! My question is: do you think there [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – Co-Dependencies

March 1, 2008

Dear Will, Whenever I am in an automated bathroom (you know, with automatic flushers, toilet seat covers, faucets, soap dispensers, hand dryers, towel dispensers), I wave my hand over and over, jump up and down, whatever… but the automated devices never respond. It’s as if I’m not even there. Also, it seems like whenever I’m [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – Groundhog Day

February 2, 2008

Editor’s note: The following is a reprint of Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice. Will is pulling a Rip Van Winkle somewhere in the Butterfly Sanctuary in Pacific Grove and can’t be disturbed. Please, don’t go looking for him. You’ll disturb his beard. Dear Will, I don’t get what the big deal with Groundhog Day is. What’s [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – New Years Resolution

January 1, 2008

Dear Will, I’m thinking of making a New Year’s resolution this year that will really make a difference in my life. But I’m coming up short with ideas. You see, I can’t really think of anything about me that needs changing. I pretty much have my act together.

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December Is So Awful

December 1, 2007

Dear Will Fargo, I really dread the winter coming. Especially the month of December. I can’t stand all the phony holiday crap with Santa Claus and the Elves and all that North Pole garbage. Can’t we just skip all that nonsense and accept the season for what it really is? Cold, wet, and miserable. Signed, [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – Flowers and Thanksgiving Vegans

November 1, 2007

Dear Will Fargo, Where have all the flowers gone? Signed, Feeling nostalgic for summer already… in Carmel Valley

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Bogus Vice

October 1, 2007

Dear Will Fargo, I have always been someone who plays by the rules. I’m honest, hardworking, and law abiding. The problem is I have no way to de-stress and friends tell me I’m dull. Therefore, I think I need a vice.

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Zshberkle Pleads

September 1, 2007

Dear Will, My name is Zshberkle. I come from the planet Zorak. I have a problem only you can solve, Will Fargo. I believe you know the beings who claim to be my progenitors, Zshbelzagub and Zshbula from the planet Zorak. I have a large question in my frontal lobe regarding the legitimacy of their [...]

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Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice – August 07

August 1, 2007

Editor’s note: The following is an encore presentation of Will Fargo’s Bogus Advice. Will did not send in a column this month. He was abducted by space aliens. Foolish Times is currently negotiating his safe release. Dear Will Fargo, Will Fargo? The Will Fargo? My Will Fargo? Will, does the name Cloy ring a bell? [...]

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