Tony’s Ticklers

Tony’s Ticklers – January 09

January 7, 2009

51 Days A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, and take their order over to a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled, [...]

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Tonys Ticklers – The Gambler

November 1, 2008

A man walked into a bar one day and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.” He pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. Well, the bartender couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” he couldn’t help but [...]

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Tonys Ticklers – The Drunk

October 10, 2008

A man walks through the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be [...]

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Tonys Ticklers – Something in Common

September 1, 2008

One night in a local pub, a man stumbled up to the only other patron in a bar and asked if he could buy him a drink. “Why, of course,” came the reply. The first man then asked, “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replied the second man. The first man responded, “You don’t [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – Gifted Hamster

August 9, 2008

A mangy-looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way, pal. I don’t think you can pay for it.””You’re right,” the guy says. “I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” “You have a deal, my [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – The Tale of Flynn

July 2, 2008

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – Father and Half Sisters

June 7, 2008

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.” After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – What Is Politics?

May 1, 2008

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” His dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it this way. “You see, I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – Basil the “Beefeater”

April 4, 2008

Basil the “Beefeater” is Yeoman of the Guards at the Crown & Anchor Pub on Franklin. The Yeoman of the Guards or Beefeater is now a ceremonial function at The Tower of London. When the Guards first originated in 1485 by Henry VII, its members had numerous duties as defenders of the King’s person and [...]

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Tonys Ticklers – Golf Is

March 1, 2008

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – Water Vs. Wine

February 2, 2008

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t. As Ben Franklin said: “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

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Tony’s Ticklers – Old Framers Dam

January 1, 2008

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years which had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees.

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Tony’s Ticklers – Old Lady, Old Poodle, The Leopard, & The Monkey

December 1, 2007

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost.

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Tony’s Ticklers – Rememberance

November 1, 2007

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the [...]

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Old Wedding

October 1, 2007

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

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The Three Little Pigs

September 1, 2007

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. “I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy. “I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy. “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 1, 2007

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly [...]

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