One night in a local pub, a man stumbled up to the only other patron in a bar and asked if he could buy him a drink. “Why, of course,” came the reply.

The first man then asked, “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replied the second man.

The first man responded, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” Read the rest of this article »

A mangy-looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way, pal. I don’t think you can pay for it.”"You’re right,” the guy says. “I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

“You have a deal, my friend,” says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard, and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play.

“You’re right… I’ve never seen anything like that before,” says the bartender. “That hamster is really gifted.” Read the rest of this article »

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Read the rest of this article »

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.”

After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She’s a wonderful wife, but the truth is, I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.” Read the rest of this article »

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

His dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it this way.

“You see, I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Read the rest of this article »

Basil the “Beefeater” is Yeoman of the Guards at the Crown & Anchor Pub on Franklin.

The Yeoman of the Guards or Beefeater is now a ceremonial function at The Tower of London. When the Guards first originated in 1485 by Henry VII, its members had numerous duties as defenders of the King’s person and household, until 1743 (the last time a British Monarch appeared on the battlefield). They accompanied the King in battle.

Opinions vary as to why they were called “Beefeaters.” But the most likely explanation is quite literal: in the 17th century a “Beef-eater” was a derogatory term for a servant who was too well fed (by no means a certainty in those days). Read the rest of this article »

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls. Read the rest of this article »

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t.

As Ben Franklin said: “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” Read the rest of this article »

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years which had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. Read the rest of this article »

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Read the rest of this article »

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” Read the rest of this article »

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” Read the rest of this article »

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first little piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy, “but why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third little piggy says, “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home’!”

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” Read the rest of this article »

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes.
The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level. Read the rest of this article »