Tony’s Ticklers

Tony’s Ticklers

December 6, 2011

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.

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Tony’s Ticklers

November 7, 2011

At the Barre – A nasty, sweaty, Amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar.

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Tony’s Ticklers

September 1, 2011

Money Wise! A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

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Tony’s Ticklers

August 5, 2011

Husband Down! A husband and wife were shopping at a local store. The husband picked up a case of beer and put it in their cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asked the wife.

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 6, 2011

Lipstick abuse in School According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 6, 2011

Tony’s Ticklers A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $100 [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 6, 2011

Achieve Inner Peace I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on television this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers July

July 1, 2010

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice. “Hey mister! Nice pants!” it says. He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again. [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers:The Current Banking Crisis Explained

June 1, 2010

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s dead.” Paddy replied, “Well, then, just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

May 1, 2010

The Devil’s Match The Devil walked into a crowded bar. Within seconds the bar emptied with people running out screaming all over the place, all except for one old man hunched over the bar. The Devil wandered across to the old man and said, “Do you know who I am?” The old man took another [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

April 1, 2010

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp. “What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender. “Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

March 1, 2010

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink was driving home from the city one night and, of course, was weaving all over the road. The policeman pulled him over. “So,” said the cop to the driver, “where have ya been tonight?” “Why, I’ve been to the pub, of course,” slurred the drunk. [...]

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Little Johnny and the Evils of Liquor

February 1, 2010

Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Now, class. Observe what happens to the two worms,” said the teacher, putting the first worm in the glass of [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

September 7, 2009

A bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, “Can I have a large gin and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic?” The bartender replies, [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 1, 2009

by Tony Deakin of The Crown & Anchor Pub (Franklin Street’s Favorite Pub) At 3 a.m. a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

June 1, 2009

A couple of airplane mechanics are kicked out of the local bar and, with no place else to go, end up in the hangar at LAX. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?” “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel-that’ll kinda give you a buzz.” So [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – Feb 09

February 3, 2009

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Sorry, but you’re not really my type. Nope, no more booze for me. Good evening, [...]

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