700 billion, 25 billion, now that’s funny! i need about $17.89 to keep Foolish Times going for six months. I decided to go to Washington for a bailout- er, I mean an economic stimulus package. I’ve learned from my fellow moguls and won’t (can’t) repeat their mistakes. No private jet, no bonuses, no lavish weekend getaways to celebrate-I mean, recuperate- from all the hard work rehearsing how to grovel. I’ll hop a freight train, eat at soup kitchens, and stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
Well, gotta run- I need to hop the 1010 out of Oakland. Stay tuned.

Happy New Year!

HELP! Better yet, help us help you or help you help us or something like that. Thanks to you, our readers, and the response you’ve given our advertisers, we’ve doubled in size since our first issue. Our circulation has tripled and we’re working our butts off. It’s time to do some repair work on this old rag. What writers do you like (they stay), not like (off with their heads), new ideas for columns. We can use a few bloggers for our web site, a volunteer to help design and maintain a monthly comedy calendar. Some new writers and cartoonists would be nice. To complete the wish list would be 1 or 2 good—no, make that GREAT—salespeople or a reasonable facsimile to help keep us from asking Congress for a $700,000,000 bailout.

Email: ideas@foolishtimes.net or snail mail Foolish Times, P.O. Box 4046, Monterey, CA 93942.

The party went off without a hitch on Saturday. Well, almost—I had this whispering sound in my ear from one of the permanent residents of the Golden State Theatre. Now that wasn’t as bad or as frightening as you might think. It made me feel like, uh, warm and fuzzy. The thing that pissed me off was when the audience laughed my new-found friend would laugh sooo loud into my ear that it gave me a three-day headache! Enough of the mushy stuff—I want to thank all the people young and old who came and helped us celebrate! Also to thank our advertisers for their continuing support. Gift certificates from the Crown and Anchor, Mucky Duck, Black Bear Diner, and Archie’s Diner were given out and we had delicious pizza and cannolis from Croce’s Pizza. Special thanks to Warren, Jarred, and Al at the Golden State Theatre for helping to make it happen!
Don’t Forget The Advertisers!

I’ve been trying to write this note for several days. Every time I start to write (“We’re havin’ a party”), an old sixties song (“everybody’s swinging”) pops into my (“dancing to the music”) head (“on the radio”). By the time I dance and sing it a few times, I need a nap. That’s the main reason we’re only having one party. We’ll be doing a belated birthday party at Monterey Live soon. On the 23rd of August we will be showing two great comedies at The Golden State Theatre-one of my favorites, Abbott & Costello’s “Hold That Ghost,” and the comedy hit of the summer (to be determined). There’ll be free pizza and Coke for all attending. Free Foolish Times T-shirts for the first 50 paid customers. Bring the kids-it’ll be G-rated. Check out the cover of this issue for the details. See you there!Don’t Forget the Advertisers!

We’re having a gigantic celebration! Yup, in honor of our fifth birthday this August, Foolish Times is having a birthday bash! Look for details in next month’s issue. Here’s a list of events we’re working on:* Classic comedy films at the Golden State Theatre
* Live burlesque
* Comedy Challenge at Monterey Live
* Brazilian drummers
* Maybe a parade! Come join the fun!

This issue has some great new writers and cartoons-check them out. There are more pages and some great new advertisers too.

Wow! That’s almost too much good stuff for me to handle at one time. To get some balance I’ll just take a trip to the DMV.

Don’t Forget The Advertisers!

Those of you who have been reading Foolish Times for awhile know that I’ve already made my New Year’s resolutions and broken them (avoid the rush). Now I can sit back and laugh, watching the rest of you white-knuckle it trying to keep yours. Good Luck!
Happy New Year!

P.S. Don’t Forget The Advertisers!

Now I know what the saying “Getting old isn’t for the faint of heart” means. While crossing Alvarado Street last week, just about in the middle of the road, I had a lightheaded, dizzy, loss-of-balance type feeling. Not the kind from growing up in the 60’s, but a real attention-grabber, like Fred Sanford’s “the big one.” The next thing I remember was some kid yelling, “What’s the matter with you, old man? Stopping in the middle of the street, I coulda killed you!” Continue reading →

It must be the water! Every month we receive twenty or so emails, phone calls, press releases, or letters from (fill in the blank), promoting something or going on about a political party, politician, the weather, save the apple moths, or from some other cause or movement of the day. These folks don’t get. We’re about having a good time, not saving the world—unless it’s through laughter. Continue reading →

Long ago (50 years), far away (outside N.Y. city), there was a monopoly that owned anything to do with telephones. I mean we’re talking the lines, we’re talking phones (rotary), directory assistance, long distance, local calling, repair. You name it, they owned it all. We had a local calling area that covered 10 miles north (all trees) and 1.25 miles south, where most people lived. You didn’t have to worry about talking to anyone in your calling area because it was a fixed rate, unlimited usage per month. The only problem was Continue reading →

Wow! It’s hard to believe this issue starts our fourth year of publication. To celebrate we’re having a party (any excuse will do). Our advertisers have graciously contributed over a thousand dollars in prizes and a surprise or two. Come join us on Sunday, August 19th at Mexcal restaurant. Free food (to die for), music, dancing, and the aforementioned prizes. Check the ad in this month’s issue for details. Those of you who have been to one of our shindigs (see the cover) pass the word to your friends. Come on out and meet the crew that’s crazy enough to work for next to nothing each month and put out a pretty damned good product as can be attested to by our growth, from 6,000 a month, to this September’s 20,000! Thanks to our advertisers, who believe that a customer who can read and likes humor can’t be all bad. Most of all, thanks to you, the readers, who laugh out loud and don’t take life too seriously. It makes not paying the bills worth it. See you at the party!

Don’t forget the advertisers!

Here we go again—another anniversary! This issue marks three full years of publishing Foolish Times/The Fool. That means it’s time for another PARTY. On the 19th of August bring an appetite for food, laughs, and music to Mexcal restaurant and get your fill. There will be plenty of prizes, which I’ll talk about next month. We don’t want to run out of food and prizes, so if you’re planning to attend, use our Contact Form and let us know.

The reward still stands for the identity of the Unknown Cartoonist. We are Continue reading →

I was standing in line at the post office the other day passing time with a full-of-life eighty-something. We were laughing about nothing important when a seventy-some-odd who just left the counter comes up to us with his hand open and says, Look at this, no wonder the post office is broke. His hand had thirty-four cents in it. Continue reading →