The Head Fool Speaks

The Head Fool Speaks

June 1, 2010

I know our policy has been no politics! But due to the current economic situation (the bridge I’ve been living under is too crowded), I’ve decided to run for the Senate. I am working on my platform as we speak and need your help. I’m looking for a campaign manager. If you or someone you [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

May 1, 2010

My butt hurts, I’m sweating, left leg—no, right leg—better yet, make it both legs ache. I’ve been going to the gym for six months now since my doctors told me to exercise and lose weight or have difficulty in my old age. It seems to them having diabetes, high blood pressure, and a few stents [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

April 1, 2010

Happy April! This paper has taken on a life of its own. There is too much to do and not enough time to get it done. We are looking for a few people who enjoy Foolish Times and would like to join our team. We need part- and full-time salespeople. If you’re interested, please contact [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

March 1, 2010

Ha! Ha! That’s it for the humor this month. We will be reducing the amount of laughs by one-third in future issues of FT. We received an email from the Monterey County Chiropractic review board. It seems there’s been a 200% increase in slipped disks since the first of the year, and 86.5% of those [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks!

February 1, 2010

Once again the Monterey Symphony has been gracious enough to give F.T. readers (because you can) tickets to their February concert (check out the full-page ad in this issue). All you have to do is be the 4th, 10th, 15th, or 20th person or reasonable facsimile to email us at tickets@foolishtimes.net. Here’s the hard part: [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

January 1, 2010

Did you hear the one about—aw, never mind. I can’t remember a joke. Two minutes after someone tells me a joke, it’s gone. Every time I venture out thinking I’ve got this one nailed, I screw it up. My friend Bill in NY once told me a joke that was so funny I almost peed [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

December 13, 2009

Gee, it seems like only twelve months since we were wishing each other Happy Holidays. Boy, time sure drags when you’re broke. Anyway, at the risk of not offending anyone (I really don’t give a [place your own expletive here]): HAPPY DECEMBER! Down to business. The Monterey Symphony has donated a pair of tickets to [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

November 8, 2009

Ponder this: For years now researchers have been telling us we’re getting fatter. Well, if our butts are expanding, why is the toilet paper shrinking? Let’s all send an email to Charmin and Scott informing them of this incongruity. Happy Thanksgiving! Don’t Forget the Advertisers!

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The Head Fool Speaks

October 25, 2009

Three days without COFFEE! No need to panic! “Café 316” opens in eight minutes and all will be right with the world! The Unknown Cartoonist is not MIA, just misplaced! Gotta go! Don’t Forget The Advertisers!

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The Head Fool Speaks

September 7, 2009

My friend Bill in New York goes to a big-name bank to withdraw $8,000 from his account. He’s told by the teller to see Mr. So & So. Mr. So & So explains to Bill that the bank doesn’t have $8,000 cash, but he would be glad to give Bill a cashier’s check for the [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

August 4, 2009

On September 12, Paula Poundstone is coming to the Golden State Theatre with a truckload of laughs. We along with the Golden State Theatre crew are giving away 15 pairs of tickets to see one of the funniest comedians of this generation. For a chance to win, all you have to do is email your [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

July 1, 2009

While waiting in line at one of those drug, candy, hardware, grocery, film, all-in-one stores the other day, I felt a little giddy. It was like the first time I had ever seen two cashiers checking out customers with less than ten people waiting in line. Wow, I thought, only three of us and two [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

June 1, 2009

Six AM sitting at the computer checking emails DEADLINE! Six-ten AM coffee’s ready DEADLINE! My mind’s waking up rattling off things I’ve procrastinated away for three weeks DEADLINE! Get the proof for this ad DEADLINE! Get the approval on this ad DEADLINE! Check on the layout DEADLINE! Don’t forget to call my grandson for his [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks – May 09

May 1, 2009

The “Best of Foolish Times, Volume 1″ hits the stands today. Thanks to all the writers and staff over the years who helped make it possible! (I’d love to name them all, but I can’t even remember what I had for lunch.) A special thanks to the advertisers who stuck with us and to the [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks

January 7, 2009

700 billion, 25 billion, now that’s funny! i need about $17.89 to keep Foolish Times going for six months. I decided to go to Washington for a bailout- er, I mean an economic stimulus package. I’ve learned from my fellow moguls and won’t (can’t) repeat their mistakes. No private jet, no bonuses, no lavish weekend [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks – What Writers Do You Like?

October 10, 2008

HELP! Better yet, help us help you or help you help us or something like that. Thanks to you, our readers, and the response you’ve given our advertisers, we’ve doubled in size since our first issue. Our circulation has tripled and we’re working our butts off. It’s time to do some repair work on this [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks – Party

September 1, 2008

The party went off without a hitch on Saturday. Well, almost—I had this whispering sound in my ear from one of the permanent residents of the Golden State Theatre. Now that wasn’t as bad or as frightening as you might think. It made me feel like, uh, warm and fuzzy. The thing that pissed me [...]

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