My amiga Yahaira wanted to show me her homeland, the Dominican Republic, where 62,000 of her relatives live. We met them all at the airport, a metric ton of strangers hugging me as their own. The DR comes in two…
Blog Archives
So It Goes – Televisions
Is it just me, or are TVs taking over the universe? They’re popping up in gas stations, waiting rooms, supermarkets, banks, beauty salons, HOTEL BATHROOMS. I myself don’t need a bathroom TV because I keep one in my underwear. “For…
So It Goes
Stereo Type My neighbor across the street—the one who flies a pirate flag—is playing his music again. The volume is set on eleven. It’s never good music either; it’s always angry shouting by groups like Death Ass or Vomit. The…
So It Goes – Bingo!
Bingo “Let’s go to bingo!” “Um. Okay.” I didn’t know that young people could play bingo. I thought there was an age minimum, a picture of grandma reading, “You must be this old to enter building.” As we pulled into…
So It Goes by Jason Love
Sports It’s that time again-time to isolate half of you by talking about sports. It’s just that sports is the only thing on TV that doesn’t make me want to jump out a window. My addiction started early, in pee…
So It Goes
by Jason Love, Syndicated Humor Columnist The Wide, Wide World of Competitive Eating Ever since curling found its way into the Olympics, our concept of sport has so devolved that ESPN is now televising darts. Call me old-fashioned, but when…
So It Goes – April 09
By Jason Love Population We’ve heard some bleak reviews of the human race, but deep down I think that people are generally… everywhere. Especially during rush hour. It’s not that people are bad; we’re just a little bit squished. Remember…
So it Goes – February 09
Dog Lickers My mom is a dog-licker. That’s someone who thinks highly enough of her pet to accept French kisses (and we DO know where those dog lips have been). Max is a mini black poodle. Full name: Emperor Maximus.…
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So It Goes – January 09
Fire Training I’ve been attracted to fire from an early age, when dad caught me “mowing” the lawn with a blowtorch. “I don’t care if it is a controlled burn; you get your butt inside.” Only recently, when firemen trained…
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So It Goes – Kitesurfing
Guys will do anything for a rush: jump out of airplanes, skate on handrails, ride animals that clearly prefer to be left alone. Boys will spin in circles until they black out and collapse (nature’s way of preparing them for…
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So It Goes – Growing Up
My folks had me the old-fashioned way: on accident. It didn’t come as a total surprise because they were both taking a fertility drug called Budweiser. “Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause and subsequently complicate pregnancy.” Mom strollered me around…
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So It Goes – Special Occasions
Is it just me, or do “special occasions” happen every week? Parent’s Day, Valentine’s Day, National Pet Week. Here’s one: Boss’s Day. Isn’t that Monday through Friday? And the birthdays just keep comin’. My nephew starts the countdown two months…
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So It Goes – Boxing
Last time I scrapped was the fourth grade, when Benji Leva spat on my sister at the bus stop. I pulled the bully’s raincoat over his head, kicked him in the backpack, and bolted to school as fast as I…
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So It Goes – Artsy Mom
My mom has always been creative. A long time ago-back when “Saturday Night Live” was funny-she’d decorate cakes to look like soccer fields, pyramids, women endowed with Hostess Sno-Balls.You lost your innocence early in my home. Mom works for the…
So It Goes – My Cat Sam
Got a cat recently.When you announce that you’re having a baby, everyone applauds and cheers. Tell ‘em you got a cat and they’re like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t realize it was that bad.” So it goes. When I got…
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So It Goes – Camping
Someone suggested that I take a long walk on a short pier… “You need to lighten up, man.” That was Yahaira. She used to be my wife; now she’s my best friend (she got demoted after our divorce). Yahaira lives…
So It Goes – Norton Virus
It was a typical day—chop wood, carry water—when I got a pop-up from Symantec: “Your Norton virus definitions are about to expire. Renew now?” I thought virus definitions went on forever like the giant tortoise or Dick Clark. Evidently, they…
