So It Goes

So It Goes – Dominican Republic

December 13, 2009

My amiga Yahaira wanted to show me her homeland, the Dominican Republic, where 62,000 of her relatives live. We met them all at the airport, a metric ton of strangers hugging me as their own. The DR comes in two parts: There is Santo Domingo, which rivals the finest capitals in terms of lodging, culture, [...]

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So It Goes – Televisions

November 8, 2009

Is it just me, or are TVs taking over the universe? They’re popping up in gas stations, waiting rooms, supermarkets, banks, beauty salons, HOTEL BATHROOMS. I myself don’t need a bathroom TV because I keep one in my underwear. “For those of you who owned a Walkman and were at least mildly aware of the [...]

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So It Goes

October 25, 2009

Stereo Type My neighbor across the street—the one who flies a pirate flag—is playing his music again. The volume is set on eleven. It’s never good music either; it’s always angry shouting by groups like Death Ass or Vomit. The musicians, who may or may not be on the same song, play extra loud so [...]

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So It Goes – Bingo!

September 7, 2009

Bingo “Let’s go to bingo!” “Um. Okay.” I didn’t know that young people could play bingo. I thought there was an age minimum, a picture of grandma reading, “You must be this old to enter building.” As we pulled into the church parking lot, I wondered how gambling fit into the scripture. And what it [...]

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So It Goes by Jason Love

August 4, 2009

Sports It’s that time again-time to isolate half of you by talking about sports. It’s just that sports is the only thing on TV that doesn’t make me want to jump out a window. My addiction started early, in pee wee soccer. When you’re four feet tall, you don’t understand the rules, per se; you [...]

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So It Goes

May 1, 2009

by Jason Love, Syndicated Humor Columnist The Wide, Wide World of Competitive Eating Ever since curling found its way into the Olympics, our concept of sport has so devolved that ESPN is now televising darts. Call me old-fashioned, but when I turn on ESPN and people are throwing darts, they had better be aiming at [...]

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So It Goes – April 09

April 1, 2009

By Jason Love Population We’ve heard some bleak reviews of the human race, but deep down I think that people are generally… everywhere. Especially during rush hour. It’s not that people are bad; we’re just a little bit squished. Remember sixth-grade science? “See, Jimmy, as the rat population grows too dense, the animals start to [...]

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So it Goes – February 09

February 2, 2009

Dog Lickers My mom is a dog-licker. That’s someone who thinks highly enough of her pet to accept French kisses (and we DO know where those dog lips have been). Max is a mini black poodle. Full name: Emperor Maximus. No, really. It’s engraved on the doggy bling that Mom creates herself from Swarovski crystal. [...]

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So It Goes – January 09

January 7, 2009

Fire Training I’ve been attracted to fire from an early age, when dad caught me “mowing” the lawn with a blowtorch. “I don’t care if it is a controlled burn; you get your butt inside.” Only recently, when firemen trained in my area, did I learn what dad already knew: Fire is evil. Training took [...]

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So It Goes – Kitesurfing

November 1, 2008

Guys will do anything for a rush: jump out of airplanes, skate on handrails, ride animals that clearly prefer to be left alone. Boys will spin in circles until they black out and collapse (nature’s way of preparing them for keg parties). Some turn into junkies. You’ll find them on the bungee bridge pleading with [...]

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So It Goes – Growing Up

October 10, 2008

My folks had me the old-fashioned way: on accident. It didn’t come as a total surprise because they were both taking a fertility drug called Budweiser. “Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause and subsequently complicate pregnancy.” Mom strollered me around as one might the Stanley Cup, announcing my age to strangers: “He’s 52 months, 3 [...]

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So It Goes – Special Occasions

September 1, 2008

Is it just me, or do “special occasions” happen every week? Parent’s Day, Valentine’s Day, National Pet Week. Here’s one: Boss’s Day. Isn’t that Monday through Friday? And the birthdays just keep comin’. My nephew starts the countdown two months in advance: “Fifty-four days till my birthday. Have you started savin’ up?”

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So It Goes – Boxing

August 9, 2008

Last time I scrapped was the fourth grade, when Benji Leva spat on my sister at the bus stop. I pulled the bully’s raincoat over his head, kicked him in the backpack, and bolted to school as fast as I could.Would you believe I had no formal training? That all changed when I met welterweight [...]

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So It Goes – Artsy Mom

July 4, 2008

My mom has always been creative. A long time ago-back when “Saturday Night Live” was funny-she’d decorate cakes to look like soccer fields, pyramids, women endowed with Hostess Sno-Balls.You lost your innocence early in my home. Mom works for the bank-THE bank-so her creative urges surface through cracks in the sidewalk. She mostly takes it [...]

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So It Goes – My Cat Sam

June 7, 2008

Got a cat recently.When you announce that you’re having a baby, everyone applauds and cheers. Tell ‘em you got a cat and they’re like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t realize it was that bad.” So it goes. When I got the cat, the owner said that he, the animal, talks a lot; and I thought, [...]

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So It Goes – Camping

May 1, 2008

Someone suggested that I take a long walk on a short pier… “You need to lighten up, man.” That was Yahaira. She used to be my wife; now she’s my best friend (she got demoted after our divorce). Yahaira lives down the street, and we gossip through the night about our love lives. “Let’s have [...]

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So It Goes – Norton Virus

April 4, 2008

It was a typical day—chop wood, carry water—when I got a pop-up from Symantec: “Your Norton virus definitions are about to expire. Renew now?” I thought virus definitions went on forever like the giant tortoise or Dick Clark. Evidently, they have to be renewed any time Norton demands “payment.” The Internet was such a good [...]

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