Rosie Sorenson

Pancake Therapy

May 1, 2010

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pancake and Waffle Mix. OMG! Eating these addictive pancakes reminds me of heroin, not that I’ve ever used heroin, but the way I’ve heard it described—that irresistibly good feeling—is not unlike the delicious serotonin high that I’ve gotten from these pancakes. Yes, they’re THAT good, and if you know what’s good for [...]

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Rest Assured

April 1, 2010

“You can now scoff at your overloaded multitasking brethren who surely don’t remember half of what they have been trying to stuff into their neocortexes because they’re not taking sufficient rest breaks.” Just because I’m sitting at my desk with a faraway look in my eyes doesn’t mean I’m goofing off. On the contrary, I [...]

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Killer Apps

March 1, 2010

“I suddenly became the new owner of two huge machines that looked like space capsules, complete with 747 consoles. A lot had changed at Whirlpool in twenty-five years.” If prior to purchasing my new washing machine I had read the operating instructions, I would have gone back to beating my clothes on the rocks at [...]

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Oprah Failure 2.0

February 1, 2010

Well, the truth is finally out. My life is of no interest to Oprah. I know this because I periodically check her website to see what types of guests and topics she’s looking for just in case I might be eligible to make an appearance. So far, not so good. Makes me feel like a [...]

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Do You Poken?

January 1, 2010

Finally, my addiction to the “National Enquirer” has paid off! Because of my avid readership, I won a trivia contest during a seminar on Social Media by answering the following question: “What movie studio did Barry Diller head up in the 80’s?” “Paramount,” I said, my hand held high. “Correct,” hollered the seminar leader and [...]

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When You Wish Upon OnStar

December 13, 2009

Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I plan never to purchase a vehicle from General Motors with OnStar. Touted as a system to protect drivers by means of its many security features, OnStar seems more like A Big Snoop, than A Big Helper. Oh, sure, the company will tell you that they can’t/don’t listen in [...]

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The Cats, The Dogs, The Crows

November 8, 2009

I’m glad I work at home so I can be with my cat. There’s nothing like making a cat happy to give you that extra buzz. Sugar, my rescued Siamese, loves to lounge on my lap, especially when I’m sitting at the computer. She watches the screen intently except for those times when she’s fidgeting [...]

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Location, Location, Location

October 25, 2009

I’m a big fan of scientific knowledge, but there is one thing I would rather not know—namely that on the nineteen square feet of skin that covers my body, there are roughly 100 billion bacteria living, partying, and reproducing, all without my permission. According to an article in the May 29th edition of the Los [...]

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Please Let Me Help You

September 7, 2009

I don’t know why people are so worried about the economy these days. Why, after scoffing at my New Age friends for saying things like “Trust in the Universe, it will provide” and for their insistence that I read the bestseller The Secret and watch the accompanying video, I now have more money than I [...]

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I Do NOT Have Closet-phobia

August 4, 2009

I’m terrorized by my closet. Like a stranger walking into a rough neighborhood for the first time, careful not to make eye contact with anyone, I have to sneak up on it. Why? Well, on the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, my score on the “Sensation” dimension slumps right into the cellar, down there with the musty [...]

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Twitter, Noah, and Me

June 1, 2009

Last week, I succumbed and signed up for Twitter. I had sworn that I was going to be the last person on the planet to join this crazy 140-character-driven-communications Whatever, but I like trying new things. I have to admit, though, that I’m having trouble with the question, “What are you doing?” That’s the opening [...]

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Current Love – May 09

May 1, 2009

Ever since the Boys of Enron slipped their greedy hands into our pockets and stole our lunch money, I’ve been on a mad mission to conserve energy.  My favorite energy-saving trick is to dry my clothes outdoors on a dryer rack which I purchased from Target and set up on my deck. I’ve never once [...]

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With This Ring… – April 09

April 1, 2009

Taking care of twenty-three homeless cats is like being The Enabler in twenty-three marriages. When friends suggest a Twelve-Step Program, you say, “No, really, everything’s fine . . . .” I wasn’t always like this. I used to be a serial monogamist, but now, I’ve lost all control, and it’s not my fault; do you [...]

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Camp Colon

March 1, 2009

I’m the only one I know who’s had fun during a colonoscopy.   The sole reason I signed up for it was because my brother had recently had a cancerous polyp removed from his colon, and he urged me to get checked out, too. Fine. I’ll go. Just don’t bug me anymore, OK? Big brothers [...]

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Cover Up – Rosie Sorenson

February 2, 2009

I have finally found the answer to life’s most persistent questions. Here’s how it happened. Last week I was listening to the radio, half-listening, really, until I heard a commercial from Orchard Supply Hardware announcing an awesome sale on blue tarps. “If you’re looking for a solution to that pile of junk in your garage,” [...]

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A Slight Edge Over Madness

November 1, 2008

It’s gotten so bad lately, what with the conflagration in our economy, the mess in Iraq, and the startling arrival of that moose-eating, beauty-pageant-smiling humanoid, that I’ve taken to making animal noises. Cow noises, in particular. You know-for those occasions when words don’t care enough to send the very best? I discovered quite by accident [...]

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I SO Want to be Michael Phelps

October 10, 2008

I SO want to be Michael Phelps. Oh, not because he’s a demon swimmer, but because he gets to eat 12,000 calories a day! Has to! Every day! That’s close to what I eat in a week! Can you imagine the guilt-free, unrestrained pig-outs? The unlimited Kentucky Fried Chicken, the chocolate cake, the blueberry muffins, [...]

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