Jason The Fool

Jason The Fool – Good News

March 1, 2009

It’s not often the news means something to the average guy. Why, for example, should I care that, according to Fox News, Britain’s Prince William has been forbidden “to associate with Paris (Hilton)?”

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Jason the fool – Feb 09

February 3, 2009

Blue Slips of paper have been appearing on our living room wall. I ignored them at first, but they keep appearing. Sometimes there are four, sometimes three, sometimes only one. But they all have two things in common: 1) none of them ever stays up for more than a day, and 2) they’re all shades [...]

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Jason The Fool – Anniversary

November 1, 2008

There was something wrong that Sunday morning as my family and I sat in church. I just didn’t know what. The something wrong wasn’t because I sweat like a coal shoveler every time I step into a church-I’ve finally come to terms with that. I sweat because of all the candles, or the stain glass [...]

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Jason the Fool – Mini Van

October 10, 2008

The cell phone rang in my front pocket as my family and I walked across the clean but car-littered floor. I thought about not answering it. I hate talking on the telephone in front of people who suddenly look like they want to hurt me. “What’s so important,” I wonder when I see someone else [...]

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Jason the Fool – The Dad Method of Parenting

September 1, 2008

One of the basic tenets of today’s feel-good, nobody’s-at-fault child-rearing method is follow-through. If a child isn’t supposed to watch television until he finishes his vegetables, don’t turn on the TV. If a child doesn’t do a chore, don’t give him money for ice cream. And if you threaten to throw a toy out of [...]

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Jason The Fool – Relationship Wars

August 9, 2008

A relationship, no matter how caring, loving, or impossible to back out of, is war. Well, at least to guys. To women, relationships are all princesses, unicorns, and pushing dazed heroes off a cliff.Relationships aren’t war to women, because war means there’s some doubt of the outcome. There is no doubt with women-they win. But [...]

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Jason the Fool – At the Store

July 4, 2008

I called my wife before I left work. I’m not sure why I did this. Maybe it was out of courtesy. Maybe it’s a habit my mom beat into my head when I was a kid. Or maybe I’m just not that bright.I think it’s the last one. “I’m going to the store on my [...]

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Jason the Fool – Vacation

June 6, 2008

Vacation. A word so sweet your triglycerides rose to the level of Jabba the Hutt’s just by reading it. So, please, go to the emergency room-now.Yeah, vacation is sweet, and I had five days of it. Five no-shavin’, no-workin’, no-thinkin’ days of lethargy and naps. I sat on the couch that Monday morning, a cup [...]

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Jason the Fool – Pads

May 1, 2008

Everyone stared as I pushed my shopping cart through the store … ker-thump, ker-thump, ker-thump. You know, foreign automakers should start building shopping carts if only to force the American cart industry into upgrading that one bad wheel. But it wasn’t the thumpy wheel or that I was trying not to be seen that made [...]

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Jason the Fool – Women and Toilets

April 4, 2008

The smell was horrendous … and I grew up on a farm. My wife’s friend stuck her head through the crack she made peeling open our bathroom door and whispered, “Psst, psst, psst, psst,” like she had a secret. She didn’t. This wasn’t a secret to anyone in the house and maybe, just maybe, to [...]

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