Jason The Fool

Is Everyone a Geek, or Is It Just Me?

August 1, 2010

I’m a geek. I freely admit it, mainly because I can’t freely deny it. Everyone has an inner geek; the problem with me is it’s also my outer geek. And I’m not talking about the geeks no one makes fun of, like Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein. They were total geeks. But these guys transcended [...]

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Jason the Fool: “Return of the Soda”: A Tale of Sorrow

July 1, 2010

The movie theater sat in the distance, a short walk in a parking lot littered with cars that were mostly better than mine so they were obviously owned by high-school students. My wife and I were going to see a movie that may, or may not, leave a mark on my life. Movies sometimes do [...]

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Jason the Fool

June 1, 2010

Yes, That’s Right, I’m Normal My wife sometimes worries me. Not the normal-husband worried, like “Will I wake up tomorrow?” It’s a deeper, darker, more rational worried, like when she comes home from the library with a book about relationships. I’m actually writing this from the fetal position. “I’ve been reading this book,” she said [...]

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Jason The Fool

May 1, 2010

The Festival Booth Diary 8:00 a.m., Friday, May 5.  The nice, church-going lady inched up to me as I arranged my booth in spot 115 and stood there, watching me unload books under a dark sky threatening to make the annual Mushroom Festival wet, and wet books aren’t much fun… or buyable. “What are you [...]

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Jason the Fool: Foosball

April 1, 2010

“A faux sport is any sport-like activity played while drinking beer; guys like faux sports because they mix sports and beer in such a way that we still think we’re good at something.” My wife called me at work. That’s not unusual; she often calls, which usually leads me do things I normally would rather [...]

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Jason the Fool: Things That Kill You

March 1, 2010

“Singer Isaac Hayes died in 2008 while exercising on a treadmill. I heard the news of his death on CNN while I was at the gym exercising on a treadmill.” The universe is trying to kill us. Pollution, careless drivers, axe-wielding maniacs? Those are nothing compared to what’s in our gardens. Botanists recently discovered that [...]

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Jason the Fool ~ Fear? Panic? Ah, the Life of a Husband

February 1, 2010

I sat on the couch. The flashing glow of a sitcom about a stupid husband and his hot wife bounced off my face in a room darkened by the late, late hour of 8 p.m. My hot wife was already in bed. Hey, to the parents of two kids under five years old, 8 p.m. [...]

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Jason the Fool – A Trip to Texas, Well I was asleep

January 1, 2010

Our minivan pulled out of the gravel driveway, headlights cutting through early-morning darkness. My wife and our two little people were going to the grandparents’ house in Texas for four days. The kids, strapped into car seats like fighter pilots, waved as the van cruised past the front of the house and out of sight. [...]

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Jason the Fool – Men, You Can’t Understand Women—Stop Trying

December 13, 2009

There are a lot of things I don’t understand. Like physics, how the Internet really works, and anything to do with women. Seriously, anything. Sure, it would be nice to know exactly why two objects of different weight fall at the same rate, but it’s not necessary to my survival. Understanding my wife is. Unfortunately, [...]

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Jason the Fool – Women Don’t Know Anything About Guys

November 8, 2009

Women Don’t Know Anything About Guys I knew something was wrong when I walked into the bedroom. Men don’t sense much, like emotions, subtlety, or the passage of time after high school, but we do realize when something un-guy has happened. And it happened to me. A free video rental card, a dollar I’d found [...]

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Jason the Fool – Haircuts: Don’t Try This At Home

October 25, 2009

There are people who treat budgeting like guys treat going to the doctor—it’s not serious until they slip in all the blood. My wife isn’t one of those people. She treats budgeting like she was the doctor, specifically, a proctologist. Therefore our household runs successfully and happily—I stress that, happily—on 42 cents a month. That’s [...]

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Jason The Fool – Exercise is Bad. Enough Said.

September 7, 2009

Exercise Is Bad. Enough Said. There’s a bike in my basement. A big, full-sized 10-speed bicycle with tires that still hold air and a clip that would hold a water bottle if I hadn’t lost it. There was a little dust on the bicycle, sure. But it wasn’t like it had a banana seat and [...]

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Jason the Fool – Daughter

August 4, 2009

The toddler screamed. You know, toddlers scream a lot. “No,” she wailed, yanking her hand out of mine. “My do it.” We were crossing the street, and when it comes to the street, my wife and I have four rules for our four- and two-year-old: 1) look both ways before going into the street, 2) [...]

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Jason the Fool

June 1, 2009

Men, Women, and Other People’s Weddings My college buddy’s wedding was on a Saturday afternoon and, like any true American male, I would have rather been at home taking a nap. Sure, I was happy for my friend. Sure, I wanted to show my support for his march into wedded bliss-again. And, sure, I was [...]

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Videotapes From Hell – May 09

May 1, 2009

My daughter pulled a videotape from a box in the basement. “New Kids on the Block?” she asked, looking at a faded VHS tape cover featuring five kids who looked like they needed better parents. “It’s not mine,” I said, sounding strangely defensive. “I’d rather own ‘ABBA Sings the Blues.’” “Whatever,” she said in the [...]

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Jason the Fool – April 09

April 1, 2009

The Over-40 ABC Book The Toddler dropped a book in my lap. Although I realized a long time ago that the most important accessory to any father’s wardrobe is a cup, I was unprepared. I’m just glad I have good reflexes. “Read it, Daddy,” she said in her sweet, two-year-old voice, which, by the time [...]

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Metro

March 2, 2009

Metro The other night my date asked a question that seems to be on everyone’s mind: “Are you gay or just well-spoken?”   I’ve been taking this grief since elementary, when other kids wondered aloud whether I was a boy or a girl. Evidently, I have some feminine properties. For starters, I’m nice to people [...]

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