I’m a geek. I freely admit it, mainly because I can’t freely deny it. Everyone has an inner geek; the problem with me is it’s also my outer geek. And I’m not talking about the geeks no one makes fun…
Blog Archives
Is Everyone a Geek, or Is It Just Me?
Tagged with: humor, humor article, humor columnist, jason offutt, Jason The Fool
Posted in Jason The Fool
Posted in Jason The Fool
Jason the Fool: “Return of the Soda”: A Tale of Sorrow
The movie theater sat in the distance, a short walk in a parking lot littered with cars that were mostly better than mine so they were obviously owned by high-school students. My wife and I were going to see a…
Jason the Fool
Yes, That’s Right, I’m Normal My wife sometimes worries me. Not the normal-husband worried, like “Will I wake up tomorrow?” It’s a deeper, darker, more rational worried, like when she comes home from the library with a book about relationships.…
Tagged with: I’m Normal, Jason The Fool, That’s Right, Things Men won't do, Yes
Posted in Jason The Fool
Posted in Jason The Fool
Jason The Fool
The Festival Booth Diary 8:00 a.m., Friday, May 5. The nice, church-going lady inched up to me as I arranged my booth in spot 115 and stood there, watching me unload books under a dark sky threatening to make the…
Jason the Fool: Foosball
“A faux sport is any sport-like activity played while drinking beer; guys like faux sports because they mix sports and beer in such a way that we still think we’re good at something.” My wife called me at work. That’s…
Jason the Fool: Things That Kill You
“Singer Isaac Hayes died in 2008 while exercising on a treadmill. I heard the news of his death on CNN while I was at the gym exercising on a treadmill.” The universe is trying to kill us. Pollution, careless drivers,…
Jason the Fool ~ Fear? Panic? Ah, the Life of a Husband
I sat on the couch. The flashing glow of a sitcom about a stupid husband and his hot wife bounced off my face in a room darkened by the late, late hour of 8 p.m. My hot wife was already…
Jason the Fool – A Trip to Texas, Well I was asleep
Our minivan pulled out of the gravel driveway, headlights cutting through early-morning darkness. My wife and our two little people were going to the grandparents’ house in Texas for four days. The kids, strapped into car seats like fighter pilots,…
Jason the Fool – Women Don’t Know Anything About Guys
Women Don’t Know Anything About Guys I knew something was wrong when I walked into the bedroom. Men don’t sense much, like emotions, subtlety, or the passage of time after high school, but we do realize when something un-guy has…
Tagged with: clint eastwood, dirty harry, guys, jason offutt, Jason The Fool, women
Posted in Jason The Fool
Posted in Jason The Fool
Jason the Fool – Haircuts: Don’t Try This At Home
There are people who treat budgeting like guys treat going to the doctor—it’s not serious until they slip in all the blood. My wife isn’t one of those people. She treats budgeting like she was the doctor, specifically, a proctologist.…
Jason The Fool – Exercise is Bad. Enough Said.
Exercise Is Bad. Enough Said. There’s a bike in my basement. A big, full-sized 10-speed bicycle with tires that still hold air and a clip that would hold a water bottle if I hadn’t lost it. There was a little…
Jason the Fool – Daughter
The toddler screamed. You know, toddlers scream a lot. “No,” she wailed, yanking her hand out of mine. “My do it.” We were crossing the street, and when it comes to the street, my wife and I have four rules…
Jason the Fool
Men, Women, and Other People’s Weddings My college buddy’s wedding was on a Saturday afternoon and, like any true American male, I would have rather been at home taking a nap. Sure, I was happy for my friend. Sure, I…
Videotapes From Hell – May 09
My daughter pulled a videotape from a box in the basement. “New Kids on the Block?” she asked, looking at a faded VHS tape cover featuring five kids who looked like they needed better parents. “It’s not mine,” I said,…
Jason the Fool – April 09
The Over-40 ABC Book The Toddler dropped a book in my lap. Although I realized a long time ago that the most important accessory to any father’s wardrobe is a cup, I was unprepared. I’m just glad I have good…
Metro
Metro The other night my date asked a question that seems to be on everyone’s mind: “Are you gay or just well-spoken?” I’ve been taking this grief since elementary, when other kids wondered aloud whether I was a boy or…
