Guest Articles

Fool On The Street

October 4, 2011

FT: Basil, what are going to be for Halloween? Basil: A bottle of gin. How about you? FT: Try to guess. I’m wearing tight pants,

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Quirky Quotations

October 4, 2011

The Quotation Quiz of Questionable Quality — by Quarlen Qurossman 1. “Wouldn’t this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive.”

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Foolish Short

October 4, 2011

Marriage Counseling — After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife come for counseling. When asked what the problem is, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade

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Blondes Are The Best

October 4, 2011

Rowing Your Boat — Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know,

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Fool On The Street

September 1, 2011

Basil, I’m thinking about tracing my family tree. Have you done that?

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Beware the Typo on Craigslust

September 1, 2011

By Mary Tompsett – Years ago I had a hip replacement and I liked the scar so damn much that I recently did the other one. Luckily, I’m finally out of hips to throw on the

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Singing the Phrases of the Olive Garden

September 1, 2011

By Tim Mollen – Journal entry: June 25, 1993 (age 24) Everyone should be required to wait tables at some point in his or her life. You have no idea how demanding a job it is until you’ve had

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A Grind of an Addiction

September 1, 2011

by Mike Larsen – I got a BS in Addiction Studies; a great program that I completed at Bethany College here in Scotts Valley. One of the assignments in my program

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BLT? Gee!

August 5, 2011

By Mary Tompsett – A friend of mine visiting from Georgia said he wanted to attend our annual bash in our area, the one called ProdFest. Prod? As in cattle?? Well, that was a new one. I hadn’t realized Milwaukee was home to a large population of ranchers. Turns out, his southern accent warped

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He’s Not an Animal, He’s the Elephant Brother

August 5, 2011

By Tim Mollen – Journal entry: November 16, 1980 (age 11) I’ve been to a few PG-rated movies, but I had to talk my parents into letting me go see “The Elephant Man” a few weeks ago. “I’m in sixth grade now, and besides, it’s an historical drama.” My parents relented, and I was off [...]

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The Best Laid Plans Derailed by Fried Chicken

August 5, 2011

By Michael Larson – It was a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon and I was driving down Mt. Hermon Road when I noticed a homeless couple with a baby in its stroller standing in front of that whatchamacallit bank. (WachaWellsCoFargoAmericaWhatever). It’s merged so many times I have no clue what its called anymore.

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Foolish Shorts

August 5, 2011

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘”I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

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Eat It Up!

July 7, 2011

Advertise your restaurant in The Foolish Times!

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THE SUMMIT DUSTER

July 6, 2011

When I was 19 years old, my hair started to recede. I was very self-conscious about it. Most of the hair on top of my head was gone by my fortieth year. By that time I had a comb-over to the right side. Of course, I wasn’t fooling anyone with this feeble attempt at thread [...]

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Enlightenment and My Laptop Power Cord

July 6, 2011

So, like me, you’ve probably read that the Chinese government wants to take over the job of picking the next Dalai Lama from the Tibetan Buddhists. While I have my suspicions about their motives, I’d like to offer a shortlist of three candidates employed in Apple stores in the SF Bay area who show nascent [...]

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KLEMENTEIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

July 6, 2011

Just when it seems as though nothing new or exciting will happen in 2011 that hasn’t already not happened by now, your network news breaks into Monday Night Football, smack dab in the middle of the fourth quarter, to drop the following bombshell, guaranteed to put some bingo in your blahs:“The CIA has received word [...]

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Lost Journal: Babysitter Could Child-care Less

July 6, 2011

Journal entry: July 9, 1980 (age 11)   Up until this summer, my 12-year-old brother Dan and I have had pretty good luck with our parents’ choice of babysitters. When we were very young, a grandmotherly woman named Daisy Cochrane watched over several of my older brothers and me. She was the sweetest little old [...]

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