Fool-O-Scope

Fool-O-Scope

January 4, 2012

ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): You don’t have to be as good this year as I requested you be last year. Just do your best not to pawn off any moldy pickles on innocent and hungry elderly people,

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Fool-o-Scope

December 6, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz – ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Arise from the ashes of yesteryear, dear Aries, for you, like Alex Smith are no longer the goat of your game. May the Force be with you, all the way to the Super Bowl and beyond!

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Fool-O-Scope?

November 7, 2011

ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Get a grip! Those cloved hooves are not serving you well at all, and it’s unbecoming to eat aluminum cans.

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Fool-O-Scope

October 4, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz — ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Arise! Arise from the ashes and do a silly dance in celebration! TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): You are not a “saurus”—not a bronto nor a stego nor a tyranno rex. You are a bull. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a bully. BE NICE. [...]

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Fool-o-Scope

September 1, 2011

FOOL-O-SCOPE by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): A rye sandwich with pastrami, sauerkraut and mustard is an excellent remedy for your foul mood this month. Eat one daily and it will keep the psychiatric doctor away.

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Fool-O-Scope

August 5, 2011

Aries (Mar. 22- Apr. 19): Get that bee out of your bonnet and do your own sting! Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20): Ferdinand the Bull sat in a field and gazed upon the flowers, rather than compete with other bulls for the right to fight the matador for his life. It would behoove you to follow [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

July 6, 2011

By Claire Voyant   ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): The rain in Spain (or so they say…) stays mainly on the plain. Since your birthday is just at the end of the rainy season, it would behoove you to stay mainly on the plain. (Or plane, if you’re going to travel soon. You definitely should not [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

April 5, 2011

FOOL-O-SCOPE by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr.19): Spring training starts now. This is your time to step up to the plate. Try not to strike out on your birthday. TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Years of indulging in that organic yogurt and milk concoction have left your mind a bit rigid. Consider taking the plunge [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

February 2, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Love is in the airies. TAURES (Apr. 20-May 20): Your Tauro card says you are pawing the ground to find a new love. But your Fool-o-Scope is snorting, “Yeah, good luck with that.” GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You will meet a fellow Gemini with the exact same [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

January 3, 2011

by Kiri Kinsey DeSchtarz ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Be very good this year. TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Be very, very good this year. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Be very, very, VERY good this year. CANCER (June 21-Jul. 22): Try not to be malignant this year, and for godsake, don’t metastasize!

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

December 3, 2010

ARIES (Mar. 22-Apr. 19): Aries-un for your endless “ram”bling is that you are far too attached to the sound of your own voice. Listen to someone else for a change this month. Listen carefully. You may hear the sound of the ocean! TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Did you give your spare change to the homeless [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

October 1, 2010

FOOL-O-SCOPE by Kiri Kinsey deSchtarz ARIES: And conquer! This is your month for the taking! TAURUS: You knew what was coming: Absolutley no more bullying allowed—not even playful bullying. You practiced last month, so this month you must perform only acts of outright kindness. Try to do this every day until you no longer have [...]

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FOOL-O-SCOPE

September 5, 2010

Aries: Try not to ram into anything or anybody—especially not a Dodgers fan. (However, if you cause her to spill her beer, it could be good karma for the Giants.) Taurus: Good job maintaining control of your temper last month, foolish Taurus. This month, step it up a notch: Do something not unkind for someone [...]

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Fool-o-scope July

July 1, 2010

July birthdays: You share your birthday month with Canada, the United States, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Henry David Thoreau. But when asked to reveal your age, you’re as secretive as Tom Cruise and his Scientology buddies. ARIES (3/21-4/19): To win the Tour de France is an incredible feat. But this month you will take on a [...]

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Fool-o-Scope

June 1, 2010

June birthdays: June 19th is Garfield’s birthday. The cat or the president, we’re not sure, but either one overshadows your paltry birthday party plans. ARIES (3/21-4/19): What do the NBA playoffs and you have in common? This month, you’ll both take long shots, hoping to score. And the percentages say you’ll miss. TAURUS (4/20-5/20): You [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

May 1, 2010

May birthdays: May is Older Americans Month, which you will be officially joining as you blow out HOW many candles on your birthday cake? ARIES (3/21-4/19): In Japan, there is a so-called “May sickness,” in which students or workers tire of their schoolwork or jobs. Be careful this month, lest your fellow students or workers [...]

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Fool-O-Scope

April 1, 2010

APRIL BIRTHDAYS: February sometimes has 29 days and sometimes 28 days. It also is pronounced with or without the first “r.” Since this month is so lax, celebrate your birthday whenever the hell you want! ARIES (3/21-4/19): The American Revolution started with Paul Revere’s historic ride early one April. Start your own revolution this month. [...]

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