The Spanish Class

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa..’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine

gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

***

Hillbilly Ten Commandments

Some folks down south have trouble with all those “shalls” and “shall nots” in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren’t used to talking in those terms. So, some hillbillies got together and translated the “King James” into “Hillbilly” language.

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments were posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, TN.

(1) Just one God

(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa

(3) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’

(5) Put nothin’ before God

(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal

(7) No killin’

(8) Watch yer mouth

(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers

(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Now that’s kinda plain an’ simple, don’t ya think?

***

Perks of Being Over the Hill

Ever wish you were young again? Well, here are some reasons why it’s good to be over the hill:

There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.

Things that you buy now won’t wear out.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.

Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.

You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them anyway.

You can sing along with elevator music.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.

Your eyes won’t get too much worse.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.

In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run—anywhere.

You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.