By John Sammon – This New Year, do yourself a favor and skip those resolutions you intend to fulfill, and try to carry out for three weeks, only to abandon. Instead, make non-resolutions you have no intention of keeping. In…
Blog Archives
The Logic of Xmas
By John Sammon – Can you see the logic? Christmas, the biggest holiday of the year, represents the birth of Christ by the purchase of expensive merchandise, usually on credit, delivered to relatives supposedly by a fat man in a…
Posted in Sammon Says
Sammon Says
By John Sammon – Author’s note: I wrote this script for a professional comic ventriloquist. Imagine John is the ventriloquist and Ben is the puppet on his lap, in front of a live audience. John Hello everybody. I think you’ll…
Posted in Sammon Says
I’m not an Island?
By John Sammon – We’ve all heard the phrase, “No man is an island.” I’m an island. I’m a rock. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. I touch no one and no one touches me.…
Posted in Guest Articles
I’m Frugal
By John Sammon – Cheap! I don’t care for that term. Maybe in the same way a bald man doesn’t like the word bald. Cheap is what a baby chicken does. I’m frugal. I’m Scotch. Am I cheap because I…
Posted in Sammon Says
You Know You’re a Senior When…
By John Sammon – You know you’re a senior citizen when you say the words Wally and Beaver, and a younger person looks at you quizzically because they don’t know what you mean. For those of you under 60 reading…
Posted in Sammon Says
Monterey History – When Nothing Happened
By John Sammon – Momentous historical events happened here in Monterey. There was Sebastian Vizcaino sailing into the bay in 1602, and the Portola Expedition with Father Serra of 1770, California’s first Constitution in 1849, the growth of the fishing…
Posted in Guest Articles
Surfing the Monterey Pier
By John Sammon – I decided to take up surfing. You might ask, since I have no experience, and have trouble even getting out of bed in the morning – why? Simple. Wishful thinking. It was either that or take…
Posted in Guest Articles
I Love Carmel
By John Sammon – Carmel is quaint, charming, a forested vision, but also a desire in the mind, a striving for ordered, landscaped perfection, sloping downward on the side of a hill toward a breathtaking visage of the Pacific Ocean.…
Posted in Sammon Says
My First Date
By John Sammon – Can you recall your first date? I can recall mine. It was a disaster. I was 16. My false imaginary image of myself at 16 as a romantic swinging James Bond (I went to the movies…
Posted in Sammon Says
An Interview with the World’s Longest Surviving Severed Head
By John Sammon — We are interviewing Loren C. Vandersnarff, the world’s longest surviving severed head. Mr. Vandersnarff, welcome to our Foolish Times studio. Loren – Thank you John. FT – How did you come to be the world’s longest…
Posted in Sammon Says
My Role in the Movie It Lives Again
By John Sammon – I noted with amusement that a woman writer in a column related how she went to a horror movie called “It’s Alive” about a devil baby and she was pregnant at the time and that was…
Posted in Sammon Says
Poker Dreck
By John Sammon – Here are some poker tips on how you can shamefully and with great pettiness, malice and greed, cheat at cards by that most cheap shot of all—-distracting your opponent. Despicable right? Hey get a clue. If…
Posted in Sammon Says
I’m The World’s Largest Albino Pigmy
I am the world’s biggest … albino Pigmy. You didn’t know did you? The Pigmies don’t either. They don’t like the word Pigmy. Today, they go by the name “Baka.” Three times I have applied for membership to the tribe,…
I’m Mista’ Fyed
(A man comes into an office who has a New York accent, pronouncing “mister” like “mistah”). Okay, this should be easy. What’s your name? I’m Mista’ Fyed. You’re what? I’m Mista’ Fyed. You’re mystified? About what? What do you mean…
Slobs Take Over
The rampant growth of slobism worldwide is as distressing as it is disappointing, and disproves Darwin’s Theory of Evolution that things evolve for the better and more sophisticated. In short: Slobs are taking over. Think I’m wrong? Book an airline…
Sammon Says – The Pros and Cons of Spontaneous Human Combustion
Spontaneous human combustion is the inexplicable catching fire or blowing up of a living human being for mysterious reasons. There are reportedly 200 cases of people who, for no apparent reason, caught fire. Think of it, you’re walking down the…
