Rememories
I had been lying on the couch listening to my pirated CD of Abba Sings the Blues. It was a dreary Saturday morning, and I was feeling a little sorry for myself. The doggy door in the back door made that familiar swooshing sound, and soon my little comrade sauntered into the living room, hopped up, and sat on my chest.
“Hi, Rexie. I’m feeling a little down today.” Rex gave one cursory swish of his tail to acknowledge my comment.
“I’m lying here thinking of all the wrong turns I’ve taken in my life. Now that I think about it, the only good move I’ve made in my whole life was bringing you home from the pound.” He yawned, walked a few circles tight circles on my thorax and collapsed on my chest.
“The women. Oh, the women in my life. Remember Kimmie the C.P.A? She said I treated her ‘like chattel, as if she were my personal possession, as if I owned her.’ She used to say to me, ‘you act as if I belong to you.’ We’d still be together today if I hadn’t lost her in a poker game.” A flip of the tail indicated he was still paying attention to me.
“You? You’ve got Millie. You two play all day long. Never seen you fight with her. Never heard an angry bark between you two. You romp all day, chase butterflies, dig in Mrs. Leudenschtengler’s flower beds, hunt for cat turds together. Yep, Rexie, you’ve got it made. Me? I go from one failed relationship to another. Things are fine until they see my car or house, or they discover that I yodel before I go to sleep each night.” I heard the soft sounds of snoring on my chest.
“Oh, for crying out loud, Rex. I’m pouring out my heart to you and you decide it’s nap time. Now wake up and pay attention. Do you think I enjoy dredging up all this muck that I call my life?” A slight movement of his tail let me know he was back in the game.
“Then there was Spring 4th. Odd name, odd girl. Remember her? Purple hair? Hamster named Thor she kept tucked in her bra? Remember how we used to watch Thor shimmy over from her left cup to her right, and then back and forth? Hours of fun. Remember her? They say she got religion and now has a tent revival in the Midwest. She was hot on getting married to me and wanted to have my child. My only concern was, if we had a boy, where would she put the hamster?” Rex rolled over and put his paws over his eyes. Evidently he remembered Spring 4th.
“Then there was the time I sunk my life savings in a timeshare in Greenland. They said the Springs were wonderful there, and then I found out there is no Springtime in Greenland. There’s just less ice in the Spring. I finally sold it for pennies and the next day I heard about global warming. If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.” (I had just heard that on the Abba CD and thought I’d throw it in the conversation.) Rex sat up and stretched. He yawned again. If he had a wristwatch, he would have looked at it.
“Do you have an appointment with someone? Bus to catch? Now just sit there and listen to me. I’ve gotten used to being rejected by women, but right now, right here, being rejected by a four-pound goofball with a brain the size of a walnut is more than I could handle. Did I ever tell you about my weekend in Tijuana stuck in an elevator with the Scottish Women’s Wrestling Team?” Rex stared out the front window-an avoidance tactic that he frequently utilizes.
“That does it, Rex. I think it’s time to curl up in the fetal position and have myself a good cry.”
His tail flipped back and forth like a Geiger counter at Chernobyl. He dove off the couch and blew through his doggie door as I reached for the box of Kleenex. Probably going to go see his gal.
***
Tom and / or Rex can be reached at burns100@earthlink.net.
