Did you hear the one …?
Did you hear that they found another Heaven Gates cult member?
Yea, it was a blonde and she was under the sink looking for the comet!
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Did you hear that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Got No Mail
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.”
The psychiatrist asks, “Don’t you have a phone in your car?”
“That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
“How’s that working?”
Actually, I haven’t gotten any letters yet,” the blonde replies.
“And why do you think that is?”
The blonde says, “I figure it’s because when I’m driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”
A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. “Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!” she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: “Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”
“I’m 5’2” and sitting in the front.”
Three Blondes Fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.” And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?”
Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissue out of the box.