August 2010

The Head Fool Speaks

August 2, 2010

So here we are, celebrating our seventh birthday. My campaign manager took off with my bribe money, so it doesn’t look like I can buy enough votes to get elected. The new restaurant page is getting some action; let me know what you think about it. Better yet, let the restaurants know. I’m done.

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Editor’s Note

August 2, 2010

Happy Birthday to Foolish Times! As you know, we celebrate our birthday three or four times a year, and August is one of the months we celebrate. The cover is proof that even dogs celebrate our birthday. people tell us they “train” their dogs using our paper. If that isn’t a compliment, I don’t know [...]

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Football: The “Grate” American Pastime

August 2, 2010

So I turn on the television the other night, hoping to catch an A’s or Giants game, and what do I see instead? Football. I checked my calendar. Yep. It’s only August. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. When I went to the drugstore to buy my hearing aid batteries, I noticed they had their [...]

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Willie, What Have They Done to You?

August 2, 2010

I had just logged onto AOL this morning to check my email when I saw it! There, in the headlines of their eye-catching, rotating parade of news bits: “Willie Nelson Cut His Hair.” A bob cut, no less. To make matters worse, the bob is red. Oh, say it ain’t so, Willie! I met Willie [...]

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Not an Island

August 2, 2010

We’ve all heard the phrase, “No man is an island.” Well, baby, I’m an island. I’m the closest thing to it. I’m a rock. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. Shielded in my armor. I’ve got my poetry to protect me. I touch no one and no one touches me!

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Word Play

August 2, 2010

I saw what appeared to be a small, tapered canine appendage sticking out from behind the couch. “Little Rexie, little Rexie, little Rexie, oh where could he be?” The appendage, that being the tail of a small black dachshund, began to whip back and forth: evidently he was hiding from me and had been discovered. [...]

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The Expiration Date

August 1, 2010

Economics 101, Or When Currency Isn’t Current Anymore Once upon a time, many, many years ago, necessary goods and services were exchanged, necessary being the operative word. If someone was hungry, he offered a service or something to the person who was providing food. If someone needed shoes, they offered the shoemaker something that he [...]

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Ticks and Tats

August 1, 2010

I see a therapist for angoraphobia. That’s right, with an “n.” Defined as the irrational fear of fluffy, rabbit hair sweaters. It can be triggered by allergies, a renewal notice from PETA, or by hot weather. I mean, for crumsakes, who the hell wears angora in August?!? Further, angoraphobia can cause injury, death, or a [...]

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Is Everyone a Geek, or Is It Just Me?

August 1, 2010

I’m a geek. I freely admit it, mainly because I can’t freely deny it. Everyone has an inner geek; the problem with me is it’s also my outer geek. And I’m not talking about the geeks no one makes fun of, like Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein. They were total geeks. But these guys transcended [...]

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Doggy Birthday

August 1, 2010

I overheard my wife having a strange conversation on the phone the other day. She was talking with her longtime friend Amy about how she thought purchasing the specially designed doggie couch might be a bit extreme. “But it’s so cute, Shannon,” Amy said, trying to sway my wife into agreeing it would be a [...]

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How I Learned to Live with Side Effects

August 1, 2010

My wrists and hands had seized up, I couldn’t type, and I had to meet an article deadline. Time to see my caring MD. Doc Jones whacked my wrists with a reflex hammer. The sensation approximated that of Godzilla bashing them with the trunk of a Giant Sequoia, and my scream rattled the doctor’s coffee [...]

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Confessions of a Speed-o-holic

August 1, 2010

I consider myself a safe driver. I’m sober. I’m courteous. I stay within the lines. I yield to pedestrians. I “watch out for the other guy.” I don’t run red lights or stop signs, not intentionally anyway. I’m not what you’d call an angry driver. Unlike some hotheads out there, I keep my horn silent [...]

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A Pirate’s Life for Me

August 1, 2010

Although he was a large young man, he wasn’t what you’d call an alpha male. He wasn’t even a beta male. He was an omega male, which in a pirate shop seems like a bad choice of places to be in case the alpha and his sidekick beta decide someone needs to walk the plank. [...]

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