July 2010

The Head Fool Speaks

July 1, 2010

Being the vice chairman of the Procrastinators Anonymous group of the greater Monterey area (if I ever fill out the paperwork) poses a huge problem for a publisher. To write the 150 words or so for this note takes me a month. You see, I’m also a writer with lifelong writer’s block. So that, combined [...]

Read the full article →

Editor’s Note

July 1, 2010

This month we feature a page of “Foolish Musings” by longtime Foolish Times fan and noted local author, the mysterious A.L. (Only the Unknown Cartoonist is in deeper cover.) We welcome new author Bowen Lee, who discusses the “wild kingdom” she has observed inside every housecat. Be sure to check out our new “Eat It [...]

Read the full article →

The Expiration Date: Misery Loves Company

July 1, 2010

One of my fellow writers recently told me that I should write about happy relationships, the hits instead of the misses (or in my case, the misters). If I had a healthy and awesomely rewarding relationship and wrote about it, would I be able to write a column about dating? No. And by the way, [...]

Read the full article →

Posing as Normal: The Campbell Syndrome

July 1, 2010

Along with millions of other workers, I’m flailing through a life change known as the “Campbell Syndrome.” I was canned. Initially, my family and friends gushed sympathy and clamored for the gory details. But after my third recitation of events, some checked their watches and hurried off. A few more rehashings, and they glanced at [...]

Read the full article →

Jason the Fool: “Return of the Soda”: A Tale of Sorrow

July 1, 2010

The movie theater sat in the distance, a short walk in a parking lot littered with cars that were mostly better than mine so they were obviously owned by high-school students. My wife and I were going to see a movie that may, or may not, leave a mark on my life. Movies sometimes do [...]

Read the full article →

The Redneck Review: Pardon the Interruption

July 1, 2010

For years now, the American public has been dealing with annoying commercials fighting for our attention. Each of the companies believes if they can grab just a few moments of our precious time, we will see the wonderful benefits of their offering and throw a few of our hard-earned dollars their way. And sometimes they [...]

Read the full article →

The Impetuous Fool: Dirty Laundry and Seagulls

July 1, 2010

Let me begin by saying that I am not a slob. I’m not. But there are certain household duties and chores that I severely lack any sort of motivational skills to tackle on a consistent basis. If you want me to be brutally honest, I’m not good at doing many (most) household chores, but today [...]

Read the full article →

Wild Kingdom

July 1, 2010

A cat is a wild kingdom unto itself. I wasn’t sure about this at first, but I have confirmed it many times. Cats can transform themselves into other animals. There are times I discover a giant, fur-covered slug in my home. This animal has no legs or apparent emotions. It lies on the floor or [...]

Read the full article →

A Gift Worth Waiting For

July 1, 2010

What you need to do to receive The Gift involves only a few simple steps. The first step is to find the machine that manufactures it. This machine may appear in many different forms, and the quest for it may involve variable amounts of hiding and seeking. At times, you must hide because you aren’t [...]

Read the full article →

Tony’s Ticklers July

July 1, 2010

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice. “Hey mister! Nice pants!” it says. He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again. [...]

Read the full article →

Adventures with Rex

July 1, 2010

Rex and I had been fighting for a few days. You know, petty little things that build up and go unresolved. My not washing his food bowl twice a day, not changing his water as soon as His Majesty would require, buying cheap dog food. On his part, chewing up a sofa pillow as a [...]

Read the full article →

Sammon Says: How to Spot a Transvestite Cougar

July 1, 2010

The word “cougar” used to mean a wild, big, blondish cat that lurked in remote parts of the United States but also occasionally showed up in urban areas—for example, late at night on a golf course near your house. Today, the word has taken on a completely different meaning and one with a sexual connotation. [...]

Read the full article →

Something Fishy

July 1, 2010

You know the fish oil capsules you’ve been taking by the handful to protect your heart? Read on! According to a recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle (March 22, 2010), ten popular over-the-counter fish oil supplements were found to contain polychlorinated biphenyls, or PCBs, which are known to cause cancer and/or reproductive harm. Sadly, [...]

Read the full article →

Foolish Musings

July 1, 2010

Foolish Musings by A.L. [Editor’s note: The following is a collection of contributions from a longtime Foolish Times fan and noted local author who prefers to go by the initials A.L.] Protracted by A.L. Growing up, I never imagined I wouldn’t… grow, that is. I mean, of seven siblings, three were average in height—at least [...]

Read the full article →

Ye Olde Limerick Corner July

July 1, 2010

Baseball’s an ambiguous sport— Much depends on the umpire’s report If a ball is deemed strikely the ump is unlikely to yield to a player’s retort. You can pitch from the wind-up or stretch yet I just can’t tell which is which Baseball trivia excites me and the ballpark ignites me but I’m unable to [...]

Read the full article →

Best of The Inbox

July 1, 2010

Dearest Redneck Son… I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you our new address because the [...]

Read the full article →

Fool-o-scope July

July 1, 2010

July birthdays: You share your birthday month with Canada, the United States, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Henry David Thoreau. But when asked to reveal your age, you’re as secretive as Tom Cruise and his Scientology buddies. ARIES (3/21-4/19): To win the Tour de France is an incredible feat. But this month you will take on a [...]

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries