June 2010

The Head Fool Speaks

June 1, 2010

I know our policy has been no politics! But due to the current economic situation (the bridge I’ve been living under is too crowded), I’ve decided to run for the Senate. I am working on my platform as we speak and need your help. I’m looking for a campaign manager. If you or someone you [...]

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Editor’s Note

June 1, 2010

This month we welcome back Martin Dodd, who read his story “Early Childhood Education” at our last Foolish Times reading at Café 316 and who continues to grace our pages with his excellent storytelling. Denise Aisling provides a Father’s Day piece while Kiri Peterson grapples with Pi. (Mmmm, Pi.) Catherine Badin’s “Cell Phone Blues” will [...]

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The Cell Phone Blues

June 1, 2010

I’ve decided to petition the City of Monterey to rename Alvarado Street in downtown “Cell Phone Avenue,” as today I counted nine people standing outside their stores talking on cell phones . . . all within the space of one city block! It’s not that I hate cell phones or anything (“resent” would be a [...]

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Grounded by a Gray Cat

June 1, 2010

Steve and I share the same birthday. We were all excited about celebrating at Point Reyes National Seashore, staying overnight at our favorite motel, until we thought of Jake. Jake is a twelve-pound, short-haired gray male kitty who adopted us eight months ago. We didn’t mean for this to happen, but Jake showed up unannounced [...]

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Adventures with Rex:What’s It All About, Alpha?

June 1, 2010

“Rex, I have finally figured out what is wrong with us. Between you and me. Us.” Rex did not seem to have the slightest interest in what I was saying. His attention was fixed on a pill bug as we sat on the back porch. Of course I must allow that he, being a dog, [...]

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Sammon Says: Ten Ways to Enjoy Emasculation

June 1, 2010

Ten Ways to Enjoy Emasculation Your abusive boss. When he slams his fist on your desk because he’s afraid of his boss over him, and wants to use you as a scapegoat, you know you have to pay a bill and can’t quit your job. So you take it, his abuse. Likewise, you know that [...]

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The Expiration Date: The Magic Goose Egg

June 1, 2010

My editor told me that I’m funnier when I rant. He said sometimes I think too much. My editor is a man. So when a man not only gives me permission to rant, but invites me to do it, it’s full speed ahead. I don’t like people much right now. This is hard for me [...]

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Jason the Fool

June 1, 2010

Yes, That’s Right, I’m Normal My wife sometimes worries me. Not the normal-husband worried, like “Will I wake up tomorrow?” It’s a deeper, darker, more rational worried, like when she comes home from the library with a book about relationships. I’m actually writing this from the fetal position. “I’ve been reading this book,” she said [...]

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Two Jokes by Kalani Shen

June 1, 2010

The Priest Once a murderer walked into a church. His murder weapon was a hole-puncher. The murderer walked up to the priest and hole-punched him to death. The next day there was an obituary in the newspaper. It said, “This priest was a really holey man.” Prescription Q: What does a doctor prescribe for a [...]

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Ye Olde Limerick Corner

June 1, 2010

Poor Mauri, an ample young lawyer At an Opera, she slipped in the foyer Her screams were so shrill They sued for a mil Claiming she was an opera-destroyer Ignoring all pleas to restrain She countered for 10 mil for pain And then, at the trial Stood all the while And hobbled around with a [...]

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The Redneck Review: Strength of a Woman

June 1, 2010

Men are considerably stronger than women, right? That’s what I’ve always thought. Physically speaking, our gender has a leg up on our female companions. It’s a simple matter of biology. Pound for pound, men are just built stronger than women. This is not to suggest there aren’t some women who can out bench press many [...]

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The Impetuous Fool: First Impressions and Stigmata

June 1, 2010

Have you ever met someone for the first time and then afterwards you realize that you left a lousy first impression? Sometimes first impressions can be important, while other times you just don’t care. Someone once told me that you only get one chance to make a first impression. It was the first time I [...]

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Pi in the Sky

June 1, 2010

I’m a sleepwalker extraordinaire. I’ve been known to fill my finest knee-high leather boots with water and place them on my bathroom counter in the middle of the night; I’ve been sighted by my ex-husband with my naked rear end plunked in the dryer; I’ve amused my mother and her sister by waltzing into the [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers:The Current Banking Crisis Explained

June 1, 2010

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s dead.” Paddy replied, “Well, then, just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. [...]

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Best of The Inbox – June 2010

June 1, 2010

Only a Southerner Knows Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “have” them, you “PITCH” them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess” . . . and we ain’t givin’ our secrets away [...]

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Early Childhood Education

June 1, 2010

I’ve believed that in life, as in the Garden of Eden, there grows a Tree of Knowledge. Mine is like a Christmas tree. Over the years, I have decorated it with lights of experience, tinsel of reflection, and ornaments of vitally important things to know. I thought everyone else did something similar, accumulating wisdom as [...]

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Fool-o-Scope

June 1, 2010

June birthdays: June 19th is Garfield’s birthday. The cat or the president, we’re not sure, but either one overshadows your paltry birthday party plans. ARIES (3/21-4/19): What do the NBA playoffs and you have in common? This month, you’ll both take long shots, hoping to score. And the percentages say you’ll miss. TAURUS (4/20-5/20): You [...]

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