By Heather Baxter-Ewing
At some point fairly recently I went from being attractive to looking good for my age.
Some people might still think it’s a compliment to “look good” for their age. Those people probably are desperate for any compliment. It’s as if one is saying, “Wow! You’re old…but you could look older considering that advanced life stage you’re in.”
I’m thirty-eight years old and I take a birth control pill that has estrogen in it. My body doesn’t produce enough of it anymore, along with tolerance. I was taking a different pill and my body was rebelling against it. Apparently, it was a “young” woman’s pill. I was having a cosmopolitan when I should’ve ordered the extra dry martini (which I would send back because I am a crotchety old woman). I clearly require a pill that not only prevents pregnancy, should I actually still be fertile (which is unlikely), but I also have to have one that reduces night sweats and sleeplessness. I’m not sure if it helps Alzheimer’s, but I certainly hope so.
I have several paradoxes settling in. My face wash prevents acne and wrinkles. Which wouldn’t be so bad if it was effective. Last week, I noticed a pimple forming in one of my wrinkles. It was the one on my forehead with which I impress people at parties. It is more of a crevasse (don’t confuse that with the smaller crevice) and I’m able to store spare change in it, including the fifty cent piece.
I decided the pimple and wrinkle were conspiring against me and I was planning my revenge when I was told by my cashier that I “looked good” for someone in my age group. “Age group” made it sound like I was member of AARP. She knew my age because I ridiculed her while she rapidly hit the override button after scanning my wine. I reminded her that the sign over customer service clearly states, “We card everyone under 35.” Granted, I’m thirty-eight, but I feel I’m close enough to thirty-five to warrant a good hard look or maybe a passing glance. I told her so, and she looked up, fiddling nervously with her nametag that claimed she likes cheerleading, and flippantly replied, “You look pretty good for thirty-eight.”
My retort was brewing in my mind as I clutched my environmentally safe canvas bags. I bagged my own groceries and she said I look “pretty good” for my age. First, when did I start needing to know that Sydni (with an “i”) is a cheerleader? I could’ve come up with that without the footnote on her name tag.
Secondly, the customer is always right and I think you should card everyone who looks under forty.
Lastly, if I’m doing something nice for the environment and I bag my own groceries, the least you can do is give my pimple a second look and think…maybe it would make this wrinkly old lady with acne feel good if I carded her.
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Heather Baxter-Ewing is an English and Creative Writing teacher in St. Petersburg, Florida. She has a B.A. in Psychology and an M.A. in English Education.