July 2009

The Head Fool Speaks

July 1, 2009

While waiting in line at one of those drug, candy, hardware, grocery, film, all-in-one stores the other day, I felt a little giddy. It was like the first time I had ever seen two cashiers checking out customers with less than ten people waiting in line. Wow, I thought, only three of us and two [...]

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Editor’s Note

July 1, 2009

This month we unchained, er, gave our regular columnists some time off for vacation and devoted the issue to spotlighting new writers. By “new” we mean new to Foolish Times (or fairly new-four of these writers have published only once in our pages, the other ten are making their official debut). Many of these “new” [...]

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Fear of Flying (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Dramamine)

July 1, 2009

By Deborah J. Rebolloso From departure drop-off to arrival survival, airports provide stiff competition to big-ticket flicks for eye-opening, ear-splitting, heart-pounding drama. For the pittance price of admission, you’re guaranteed a thrill-packed, “Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night,” run for your money. Gone are those carefree days when one merely [...]

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The Founding Fathers Would Have Jammed All Night

July 1, 2009

By Tracy Farr Recently, while I was waiting for a Blue Coconut Cream Slush at my local Sonic Drive-In, I pulled a $1 bill out of my wallet and actually took a good long look at it. And do you know what I noticed? I noticed that George Washington could have been a great trumpet [...]

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Ye Olde Limerick Corner

July 1, 2009

Editor’s Note: The limerick wars between Foolish Times fan Kiri and Gene, Gene, the Limerick Machine continue. Last month we printed Kiri’s response to Gene’s anti-Barry Zito limerick; this month Gene responds. For those who don’t know, Barry Zito is a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants. Well, Kiri thinks so, but Gene thinks otherwise. [...]

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Ode to the Hardware Removed from My Ankle

July 1, 2009

By Cristy Shauck Thanks for bein’ there- just hangin’ around keepin’ my fibula from fallin’ on the ground. Seven little screws driven into that bone keepin’ the plate attached so I could walk alone. The bones knitted nicely- thank you very much- but the two-inch screws got to be oh, such a royal pain I [...]

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Neigh-bors

July 1, 2009

By David Elder This is a story of neighbors who were dear friends of my family when I was growing up. The Steeds wore their name as an unfortunate reminder of the unmistakable resemblance they bore to members of the horse family. Mr. Steed, having brought nothing to the table in terms of genetic dominance, [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 1, 2009

by Tony Deakin of The Crown & Anchor Pub (Franklin Street’s Favorite Pub) At 3 a.m. a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding [...]

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A Fool’s Game

July 1, 2009

By Martin Dodd “Never argue with a fool, people passing by may not know who is who.” My father-in-law told me that. I wish I had always followed it. My father had a similar piece of advice: “Son, when God molded people out of the clay of earth, he stacked them against the wall and [...]

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Ask Grandma for her ID

July 1, 2009

By Heather Baxter-Ewing At some point fairly recently I went from being attractive to looking good for my age. Some people might still think it’s a compliment to “look good” for their age. Those people probably are desperate for any compliment. It’s as if one is saying, “Wow! You’re old…but you could look older considering [...]

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Fool Laughs

July 1, 2009

Missing Husband A lady calls the police to report her husband missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, with wavy blonde hair and a smile that charms everyone. The police then go to the next-door neighbor to verify this report. The lady next door [...]

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Is It Wrong to Yell “Congress” in a Crowded Firehouse?

July 1, 2009

By Dan Woods Although it’s easy to view Congress as nothing more than a gang of self-serving, dishonest, “say-anything-to-get-elected” semi-hoodlums, the truth of the matter is that most of our elected officials really want to do the right thing and make America a better place. Oh, sure, every once in a while we read a [...]

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Best of the Inbox

July 1, 2009

Three Mysteries-Can You Solve Them? MYSTERY NUMBER ONE A man was found murdered Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these answers: The wife said she was sleeping. The cook was preparing breakfast. The gardener was gathering vegetables. The maid was getting the mail. The [...]

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Hairy

July 1, 2009

By Carol Murphy My son was born with a head of hair that took over his whole face. He was also squishy looking because of the effort he had to put in to arrive. In fact, my mother’s first act when she saw him was to turn away in tears because she thought there was [...]

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