June 2009

Horny Drivers

June 1, 2009

By Giosue’ Santarelli There are parts in automobiles primarily used as safety devices. Modern vehicles have airbags, padded dashboards, and specially designed head rests. Simple devices such as seatbelts were auto after-thoughts long after baby-boomer childhoods. Many a middle-aged man or woman has the radio button pocked-forehead scars to prove it. We’ve come a long [...]

Read the full article →

So It Goes – Driving

June 1, 2009

by Jason Love, Syndicated Humor Columnist  Driving When people see me drive, they have questions. For example, “What kind of idiot are you?” Well, I’m not the kind who keeps passing cars on the onramp until it becomes a merging crisis. I’m also not the kind with 10,000-lumen headlights that make you feel like you’re [...]

Read the full article →

Cell Phones and Boogers

June 1, 2009

by Leeuna Foster For my topic today I thought it would be good to address the issue of driving a vehicle while engaging in conversation on a cell phone. While presenting these facts to you, I also wanted to say a few words about nose boogers and how both of these issues need to be [...]

Read the full article →

Best of the Inbox

June 1, 2009

MIND MASS A study just released by the prestigious Institute of Physical Intelligence strongly indicates that thoughts contain mass and that the utilization of thought can reduce brain mass. The study, conducted on 76 subjects, was performed with highly sophisticated brainwave and infinite mass spectrographometers capable of detecting the most minute (0.1 x 10 -24 [...]

Read the full article →

Fool Laughs

June 1, 2009

This Month’s Blonde Joke A blonde girl walks into the salon wearing a pair of headphones and asks for a haircut. The hair stylist looks and says, “You’ll need to take off the headphones first.” “If I take them off, I’ll die,” the girl replies. For a while the stylist struggles around the headphones but [...]

Read the full article →

The Redneck Review

June 1, 2009

By Brent Basham CAT-ASTROPHE People love their pets. And why shouldn’t they? Dogs and cats provide a great deal of enjoyment to families from all walks of life. For one thing, animals are always loyal. Well, dogs are at least. No matter what kind of day you’ve had, the faithful hound is always plenty excited [...]

Read the full article →

Jason the Fool

June 1, 2009

Men, Women, and Other People’s Weddings My college buddy’s wedding was on a Saturday afternoon and, like any true American male, I would have rather been at home taking a nap. Sure, I was happy for my friend. Sure, I wanted to show my support for his march into wedded bliss-again. And, sure, I was [...]

Read the full article →

Lost Journal

June 1, 2009

By Tim Mollen Having never kept an actual journal, Mollen writes these columns in retrospect. For each column, he chooses a different day in his lifetime, and writes about it as though it were today. A particular entry may be about a day last week, or Halloween 1980, or the day he was born. Some [...]

Read the full article →

The Expiration Date – Things That Stick (Or Go Bump in the Night)

June 1, 2009

I might sound like Andy Rooney, Maxine, or just an aging cantankerousaurus, but why do things stick when they aren’t supposed to and don’t when they should? It’s kind of like relationships. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but when things are in my hands, they tend to fall out. And sometimes I stand there, [...]

Read the full article →

Tony’s Ticklers

June 1, 2009

A couple of airplane mechanics are kicked out of the local bar and, with no place else to go, end up in the hangar at LAX. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?” “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel-that’ll kinda give you a buzz.” So [...]

Read the full article →

Fool-O-Scope

June 1, 2009

June birthdays: A fierce dog ruins a liquor store business. Do you know how many liquor stores have gone out of business because of fierce dogs? Exactly. Do not include the fierce dog in your business plan. Your investors will have every reason to be wary. ARIES (3/21-4/19): After three days without reading, talk becomes [...]

Read the full article →

Adventures with Rex – June 09

June 1, 2009

BIG Puddy Tat It was a Sunday morning. Rex was lying on the couch, paralyzed in fear. He was rigid as rebar and panting in shallow, measured breaths. His eyes bugged out like bloodshot grapes as he cautiously, slowly scanned the living room for any signs of mountain lions. “Rex, Rex, Rex. It’ll be okay. [...]

Read the full article →

Dancing

June 1, 2009

“I found her diary underneath the tree And started reading about me The words she’d written took me by surprise You’d never read them in her eyes They said that she had found The love she’d waited for Wouldn’t you know it. She wouldn’t show it.” When I was in 8th grade I had a [...]

Read the full article →

Next Entries →