June 2009

Foolish Questions – Independence Daze

June 30, 2009

By Aaron S. Birk The sun is out a little more, the puppies are frolicking, and the rockets bursting in air in some portions of our city shed their warm and sulfurous glow, oh the smells of July! You have to wonder if the founding fathers foresaw the party that Independence Day would become. The [...]

Read the full article →

Laundry

June 30, 2009

By Mark Krahling I have to admit that I really kind of like doing the laundry. I mean, I’m not crazy about it, but there is something about doing the laundry that resonates with me, or maybe serves me, would be a better way of putting it. Before I go on, though, we need to [...]

Read the full article →

Bart de Kalamazoo

June 30, 2009

By Andrew Grossman The cranberry juice sloshed invitingly into the glass. The bartender dropped in two ice cubes, too few to sufficiently chill the juice, but just enough to splash me good. I could tell he was sick of me coming in every night with my usual sob story. “Look,” he said, “it’s not like [...]

Read the full article →

Has Anyone Seen My Keys?

June 30, 2009

By Jamie Baker Has there ever been a more sinking feeling than to be away from the house and reach into your pocket, expecting to grab the keys, only to find a dilapidated cough drop wrapper and some lint? Alas, it happened to me. Again. I am, by my own admission, one of the most [...]

Read the full article →

Piling System

June 30, 2009

By Gillian Bottrell Some people file. Others pile. Piling systems are quite complex, really. A reliable system can work well for years-mine has. Skilled pilers tend to be visual, tactile, and have an incredible memory. Or they remember having one, anyway. Well organized by their own standards, their piles have an order that most would [...]

Read the full article →

Thoughts on Thinking

June 30, 2009

By Ted Gargiulo How can I describe my problem? There’s a lack of focus, a disconnected-ness when it comes to mental activities. It’s like perceiving the world through slits that broaden on better days and become narrower on not-so-better days. Processing what I read, unscrambling words, constructing sense out of what I’m looking at, has [...]

Read the full article →

Fool-O-Scope: July 09

June 30, 2009

July birthdays: Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. Better yet to light a candle and curse the candle because you forgot to pay the electric bill. ARIES (3/21-4/19): A donkey’s lips do not fit onto a horse’s mouth. I have tried it, and it just does not work. A donkey’s lips [...]

Read the full article →

A History of the Artichoke (Castroville Version)

June 30, 2009

By Harold E. Grice Once, long ago, in time gone by, several boatloads ago at least, there appeared in Castroville a bunch of Italians. Of the men, there was Arturo (the oldest and responsible for them all), Carlo, Luigi, Giuseppi, Ralph, etc., and they brought some women too. They were not fitting in well or [...]

Read the full article →

The Head Fool Speaks

June 1, 2009

Six AM sitting at the computer checking emails DEADLINE! Six-ten AM coffee’s ready DEADLINE! My mind’s waking up rattling off things I’ve procrastinated away for three weeks DEADLINE! Get the proof for this ad DEADLINE! Get the approval on this ad DEADLINE! Check on the layout DEADLINE! Don’t forget to call my grandson for his [...]

Read the full article →

Editor’s Note

June 1, 2009

We took the picture of the guy on the front cover as he was driving down Alvarado the other day. How did we get such a clear shot? He almost hit us, that’s how. We even overheard part of his telephone conversation-he was informing someone that he was, at the moment, eating a doughnut. VERY [...]

Read the full article →

Kirby Wheeler, Driving Genius

June 1, 2009

by David Filmore Many geniuses are “driven,” but I know of only one who is “driving.” He lives right here in Monterey. His name is Kirby Wheeler, and from a young age, he knew exactly what his mission in life was. To drive a car. “Oh, he came out of the womb driving,” says his [...]

Read the full article →

You Might Have Swine Flu If…

June 1, 2009

We’ve been hearing a lot in the news about a disease called swine flu. Laughter is always the best medicine for flu or any other illness. From the funny farm, these are the symptoms: YOU MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU IF. . . * You always pig out at food bars. * You got a traffic [...]

Read the full article →

Belly Up to the Trough

June 1, 2009

Furthermore, I like having cats AND a dog because: a) inter-species dynamics are fascinating; b) animal love nourishes our souls; and c) when a cat pukes, the dog will always clean it up. More later on the dog. But, speaking of mealtime adventures, a local restaurant recently went bust and reopened as Le Trough Magnifique. [...]

Read the full article →

Ye Olde Limerick Corner

June 1, 2009

Editor’s Note: Apparently a Foolish Times reader named Kiri took exception to a limerick by Gene, Gene, the Limerick Machine, printed in last month’s issue. We printed it as one of our “best of” limericks (it’s from a few years back), but Kiri thinks otherwise. We’re printing it again below, with Kiri’s response. Let the [...]

Read the full article →

Sammon Says

June 1, 2009

A guy comes in to buy an airline ticket from a travel agency. The travel agent starts filling out the ticket form. Agent: “Okay, what’s your name?” Customer: “G. Youshudknow.” Agent: “Why?” Customer: “Why what?” Agent: “Why should I know?” Customer: (stares). Agent: “Your name?” Customer: “I told you, but you didn’t get it right.” [...]

Read the full article →

Twitter, Noah, and Me

June 1, 2009

Last week, I succumbed and signed up for Twitter. I had sworn that I was going to be the last person on the planet to join this crazy 140-character-driven-communications Whatever, but I like trying new things. I have to admit, though, that I’m having trouble with the question, “What are you doing?” That’s the opening [...]

Read the full article →

The Hospital Experience

June 1, 2009

I always figured I would end up on the orthopedic surgeon’s operating table sooner or later, but I thought it would be for a knee replacement, not for a cervical disc fusion in my neck. But here I was, asking-actually begging-to have my neck slashed. Shows what pain can do to you. On the big [...]

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries