My comments and opinions have been rather brutal regarding dating sites, but I have always secretly hoped to hear one of those success stories (something I could personally relate to and not a contrived Eharmony infomercial showing those goofy people who look like brother and sister and probably are).
So let me start at the beginning.
A year or so ago, in my process of creating a different venue for local singles in my age group, I met a very nice man who had recently become a widower. He wasn’t my type, but he was a good guy. I have to admit that I wondered why he wasn’t taking a little longer to grieve, but it is a known fact that men who have lost a partner tend to want to recreate that as soon as possible and women generally take their time.
As our paths continued to cross last year, I listened, as a curious and concerned friend, to his stories about meeting women and not connecting. He seemed sullen and discouraged. And then he disappeared from the radar for about six months. Rumor had it that he was engaged.
I’m doing the math and…huh? I knew that he had signed up for an online membership, but this was nuts.
Here are the facts.
A man is happily married for twenty-three years and loses his spouse.
A woman is divorced for fifteen years. (See, I was right about women taking their time!)
He joins a website, but doesn’t meet anyone, gets frustrated, and is ready to push the cancellation button.
She joins at that same moment in time.
He sees her profile and sends a note.
They meet, date every single night for two months, and he proposes.
They get married in June.
Ok, so being the cynic that I am, I need to see this for myself. And always miraculously getting what I ask for, synchronicity complied and I just happened to be at a video store recently and bumped into the happy couple.
My friend’s wife is absolutely lovely. She is a softer, prettier version of Jane Fonda with a delightfully engaging personality in spite of the fact that she had just lost her mother. My friend is smiling from ear to ear and so am I, for that matter. He had hit the jackpot. Addie (sorry) boy, Jerry. And I had found my perfect poster couple.
My analytic tendencies kicked into gear and I pondered this as I walked away from them that night. Does lightning strike twice for those who have experienced happiness and a successful partnership? Is it their subconscious expectation that manifests their second spouse? Or is there some sort of magic template that draws in the perfect mate?
With the multi-million, -billion, -trillion-dollar successes of Hookemup.coms, it is clear to see that meeting, dating, and partnering is big business. Is this the case because it is so difficult to connect and we need the assurance of thousands of options, or are we drawn in by a story like Jerry and Addie’s, wishing that we too would get a direct hit from Cupid’s cyber-bow and know immediately that we had found that perfect person? Or in Jerry’s case, the second perfect person.
Sometimes it’s just time.
Copyright 2008 Robyn Justo
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Robyn Justo is a freelance writer who is living, breathing, and learning the new rules of dating over 40. Experienced, but by no means an expert, she shares the frustrations, triumphs, and general hysteria of single life on the Monterey Peninsula. “The Expiration Date” addresses the lighter side of dating later in life. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Robyn also occasionally hosts local social events for those brave-hearted single folks who actually have the courage to come out of the house.