September 2008

Great Google-e Moogly

September 1, 2008

Google’s online-platform e-mail service is creatively titled Gmail; Google is full of brilliant folks, but they shuffle their dullards off to toil in the “naming department.” In any case, Gmail allows you to send pithy e-mails, receive forwards that inevitably involve a talking monkey at some point in the proceedings, and wonder how you landed [...]

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Fools Laughs – Sept 08

September 1, 2008

Two-By-Fours Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” The clerk [...]

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Tonys Ticklers – Something in Common

September 1, 2008

One night in a local pub, a man stumbled up to the only other patron in a bar and asked if he could buy him a drink. “Why, of course,” came the reply. The first man then asked, “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replied the second man. The first man responded, “You don’t [...]

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Will Fargos Bogus Advice – Curious Shopper

September 1, 2008

Dear Will, How come every time I go grocery shopping I get a cart with one bad wheel? It never fails. And then when I try and push the cart it always seems to want to go a different way than I do. Like yesterday, when I wanted to go down the cookie aisle, it [...]

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Cars from Mars

September 1, 2008

The powers that be could vote to change America’s car fleet fuel system at any time. In order to switch from dead dinosaur-goo-powered propulsion to water- or air-driven engines to save the planet from the Abominable Global-Warming Monster, all Congress has to do is wave its petroleum-soaked wand. Abracadabra! We could change into a gluttonous [...]

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Cure for a Boring Drive

September 1, 2008

So, there I was, driving down interstate 80 on my way to the El Cerrito Farmer’s Market, when I realized I had forgotten to bring along my canvas shopping bag. Damn! I felt certain I was going to end up in Recyling Hell because now I’d have to use at least three plastic bags to [...]

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The Expiration Date – It’s Always Something

September 1, 2008

Years ago, I had a reading from a Vedic astrologer who told me that I might have a difficult time settling down (there’s that settling word again) because I needed to have a connection on all levels with a partner. Ah, the perfect world. Who wouldn’t want someone who could match us intellectually, spiritually, and [...]

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Limmericks – Sept 08

September 1, 2008

When the gardener wakes to the dawn He thinks not of the night that is gone But of weeding today In the usual way And the joy of mowing a lawn -Sir Henry de Tunahuna

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So It Goes – Special Occasions

September 1, 2008

Is it just me, or do “special occasions” happen every week? Parent’s Day, Valentine’s Day, National Pet Week. Here’s one: Boss’s Day. Isn’t that Monday through Friday? And the birthdays just keep comin’. My nephew starts the countdown two months in advance: “Fifty-four days till my birthday. Have you started savin’ up?”

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Jason the Fool – The Dad Method of Parenting

September 1, 2008

One of the basic tenets of today’s feel-good, nobody’s-at-fault child-rearing method is follow-through. If a child isn’t supposed to watch television until he finishes his vegetables, don’t turn on the TV. If a child doesn’t do a chore, don’t give him money for ice cream. And if you threaten to throw a toy out of [...]

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Editors Note – September 08

September 1, 2008

Thanks to everyone who attended our Annual Birthday Bash! There were only three arrests, and amazingly the fire department was not needed this year. A few notes about this issue: Summer brings with it vacations (for some people, anyway). “Adventures with Rex” is on hiatus as Rex and Millie have run off to Vegas (or [...]

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Hamburglar Beware!

September 1, 2008

From behind, he looked twelve years old. When he turned around…. he looked all of thirteen. Wearing black, including dress shoes in desperate need of a shine, he stood stiffly, with his hands in his pockets. Standing straight and looking important, he appeared to make his 4′ frame look maybe 4’2.”

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The Head Fool Speaks – Party

September 1, 2008

The party went off without a hitch on Saturday. Well, almost—I had this whispering sound in my ear from one of the permanent residents of the Golden State Theatre. Now that wasn’t as bad or as frightening as you might think. It made me feel like, uh, warm and fuzzy. The thing that pissed me [...]

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A Dog with No Name

September 1, 2008

We went to a breeder and picked her out even before she was old enough to come home. She was cute, I must admit, really cute. Before you ask, she is a Shih Tzu, a small frou-frou dog from a breed originating in China. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a puppy at [...]

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The Best of The Inbox – Sept 08

September 1, 2008

Worry Is there a magic cut-off period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors [...]

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Sammon Says – Dueling Non Sequiturs

September 1, 2008

Two men who habitually engage in the mind poop of using non sequiturs have a discussion. For those of you who seldom read, a non sequitur is a remark, a nonsensical aside, that has no relation to the preceding comments made during a discussion. I think it’s just a case that fat people have a [...]

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The Lotto Experiment

September 1, 2008

Arnold places the worn dollar bill up to his lips, exchanges a short but intimate liplock with the founder of our country, and then tosses the dollar bill into the wind never to be seen or heard from again. Now many of us would say that Arnold is a total and complete spudhead? Nobody with [...]

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