Ok, I admit it-I caused the recession. You know how economists are always advising consumers to spend, spend, spend their way out of recessionary slumps? Well, that’s a problem for me because I don’t care that much for possessions. I drive a 1993 Nissan Altima with a patch of bondo on the passenger door, wear sweatpants I bought at Target in 1999, and top them off with t-shirts I purchased last year at Walgreens-five for $10.00.I can’t relate to the “Sex-in-the-City” addiction to Manolo stilettos, Vuitton purses, and Prada dresses, and, as you might imagine, I was underwhelmed by the recent movie. The pursuit of trendiness has always struck me as odd since you can never possibly be “in” for more than twenty minutes, even if you could snap up every hot, to-die-for item at Bloomingdales.
I’m probably just jealous because I couldn’t pull off this possession obsession no matter how hard I might try-it’s not in my Midwestern Lutheran impecunious genes. And anyway, I’ve never been able keep up with the tradition of buying new winter outfits in July, spring outfits in September, summer ones in February. In fact, I’m so far behind that at best I’m up to Spring of 1997-or not. How would I know?
Another problem that keeps me from consuming for consuming’s sake is that I’m a faithful friend. When I buy something I like, it soon becomes comfortable and familiar, and I feel good in its presence. Take my purse, for example, or rather my fanny pack. Steve and I (and my fanny pack) traveled to South Korea four years ago, and many of my fond memories are stored there in its compartments.
One afternoon when I was leaving the Jinju castle, a busload of kindergarteners passed by. They became so excited upon seeing a tall, fair-skinned woman with blonde hair that, assuming I spoke English, they hung out the open windows and hollered, “Hal-lou! Hal-lou!” If I were to discard my fanny pack for something more upscale, my memory of those happy faces might fade, and I would be the poorer for it.
There is one area in which I can be seduced, however. Shoes. No, not the stilettos that are all the rage, but, well, anything that fits my feet. I wear a size 12AAAA. Sadly, even Nordstrom’s shoe department, which used to be a reliable source, has let me down. I ventured over to the San Francisco store a few months ago and, after waiting for fifteen minutes near the sales rack, a salesperson named Reuben (with a misshapen cue ball of a head) came over to ask what I wanted.
“Do you have anything in a size twelve narrow?” I asked. He stepped step back, looked down at my feet and giggled. Noticing my shock, he quickly put his hand over his mouth and said, “Oops, sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. Are you looking for one of the sale shoes?”
“Not necessarily-just show me anything,” I said.
“Anything at all in my size.” He left me waiting for another twenty minutes while he traipsed back and forth between the stock room and his other customers, one of whom I overheard telling him her size; for her, he brought out a mountain of boxes. I knew it would happen one day-dumped for a size six!
I left the store, feeling lower than a snake’s belly, but on the way home I had an inspiration-the internet! I couldn’t be the ONLY woman in America with long feet.
Sure enough, by surfing on Google, I located a site catering to women in my predicament. I scrolled through its page but, not finding what I wanted, was getting discouraged until, Wait, what’s that? Boots?!! Hot, trendy boots in my size? Only $200?
OK, boys, you can rescind the recession. She’s baaaack!!
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Rosie Sorenson’s work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Contra Costa Times, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, the Berkeley Daily Planet, and the University of Iowa “Daily Palette” (curated by the Iowa Review). Her essays have also been broadcast on KQED-FM as part of its Perspectives series. Her essay “Safe Haven” was named Listener Favorite for 2006. She also won Honorable Mention in the Erma Bombeck International Writing Competition in 2007. In addition, one of her poems appears in the 25th Anniversary edition of Mobius, the Poetry Journal. Readers can read more of her work at www.damngoodwriters.com.