In my hand I hold a ball…
white and dimpled, rather small…
Oh, how bland it does appear…
this harmless-looking little sphere…
By its size I could not guess…
the awesome strength it does possess… Read the rest of this article »

I may have to start shopping at Macy’s again. Oh, not for the clothes, but to thank them for AT LAST placing an ad in the “San Francisco Chronicle” that women can adore.Macy’s soft-core ads of females have appeared in the “Chron” for years. You know the ones-a nubile young thing wearing the latest in skimp, looking out at the reader with her “Come-get-it-big-boy!” stare. As a heterosexual woman, I’ve never figured out why these Macy’s ads should look like the covers of “Playboy,” which in turn look like the covers of “Cosmo.” It’s not like I’m going to drool over the models who appear there. Read the rest of this article »

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Read the rest of this article »

Dear Will,
The other day, I tried googling myself but my browser couldn’t come up with crap. It seems like everyone I know is googlable except me. And so they’re all cool and I’m a nobody.I don’t know if I can take one more day of being a non-googlable putz. I think I may just give up on life unless I can be googled real soon.

Will, I want you to know that I’m at a crucial point in life right now, and I’m handing it over to you to make me or break me. Why? Because you are a super genius, that’s why! If anyone can help me, it’s you!

If I don’t become googlable sometime this summer, I’m sure I’ll end up spending the rest of my pitiful life suckin’ on a bottle of tequila in the gutter. But if I do become googlable, who knows? I could end up conquering the world!!
Please, do your magic on me, Will!! I’m not taking another step until I hear from you!

Signed,
Fork in the Road… in Sand City Read the rest of this article »

Aged like my grandfather’s wind-up Victrola,
I love the scent of a fine Gorgonzola.
Velveeta’s cheap and tastes much cruder.
Substitute a wedge of Gouda.
Cheddar’s sharp but eggs taste better
Mixed with salty cheese like Feta;
Add a chunk of warm bologna
Topped with shredded provolone. Read the rest of this article »